Blog Posts - On Fire and Over 50

On Fire and Over 50

SPECIAL: The 4th of July - The United States - Our Great Nation

7/3/2020

Tomorrow is the celebration of our great country's independence. It is one that has always been a day of cookouts with friends and family, concerts, picnics, boat rides, skiing, and fireworks. Some people would take vacations and visit our national monuments and historic battlegrounds. It was a time for all Americans, no matter of your origin or skin color, to celebrate the blessings of this country.

Is this country perfect? No.
Name one country, if you can, that is perfect. Every country has it's own issues to deal with. Some handle their issues better than others, some never handle the issues at all. Most issues can not be "fixed" overnight. Many issues take time to fix. Time not only to implement the change, laws, or leadership needed to fix the issue, but also time for the people to adapt and accept the remedy. The later is the most difficult. But one thing for sure, rioting and looting do nothing to speed the process along.

Tomorrow, when you seek ways to celebrate without risking Covid-19 exposure, remember to pray. Remember to pray for our great nation and the people (all people) who live in this great nation. We have always needed prayer, but especially now.

Try to remember:

God is still in control and
everything "will work for the good
to them that love the Lord
and are called according
to His purpose."
- Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

Remember, that:

God "desires all men
to be saved
and to come to the
knowledge of the truth."
-1 Timothy 2:4

(Notice, the Bible says "all". It doesn't matter to God what color your skin is. He's sees our spirit and soul, not skin color and loves us all and wants all of us to be saved.)

Celebrate the blessing in
living in one of the
greatest nations on earth!
Happy 4th of July!

XOXO

Health and Wellness: It's Your Choice! Old? Or Older?

6/26/2020

Old vs Older - that's a play on words, but there is a difference.
Let me tell why I choose older, rather than old.

Everyone is growing older, but not everyone grows old. From the moment you are born you are growing older everyday. After you pass certain milestones in your life you either gain skills, privileges and health or you lose skills, privileges, and good health.

For example, at age 11 to 13, you reach puberty and gain certain privileges as well as unique changes to your body. At the age of 16, you are eligible to drive a motorized vehicle. When you turn 18, you can join the military and vote, you can also marry (if you choose) with no one's approval. At 21, you are considered an adult and all that goes with adulthood.

When you turn certain ages after age 21, a lot depends on your health and what you have done to take care of your body. Youth is forgiving, adulthood not so much. However, once you cross over into your 50's it is vital that if you have not taken care of your body (and mind) that you do so now and don't stop.

It can make the difference in living a full active life of independence until your nineties or spending your remaining years bent over, taking medications, and possibly living in a facility that provides everyday care for you. Which one do you want?

A few days ago I found this meme.
(Yes, whoever created this meme used the word "woman" instead of "women", but you still get the idea.)

The lady on the left is "older", the lady on the right is "old".

This meme represents your options. This applies to men as well.
If you don't take care of yourself with a healthy diet, daily exercise, and mental challenges, you will end up like the lady on the right. She is frail, slumped over, and requires a walker. Most likely she is not as happy as she could be.

If you do take care of your mind and body, you could end up like the lady on the left. Strong, straight, walking and maybe jogging, and able to think clearly.

(The lady on the left is Ernestine Shepherd. She didn't start bodybuilding until she was 56 years old! She started because she was trying to encourage her sister who had developed health issues. After her sister passed away, she kept bodybuilding and according to the Guinness Book of World Records, became the oldest living body building competitor in the world.)

The lesson I continually drive home in my blogs is that in order to remain independent in old age, you MUST take care of your body and mind. Staying active by walking everyday is a minimum!

So, when it comes to being old or older, I choose older. Everyone gets older.... I refuse to get old.

It's your choice! What will you choose? OLD or OLDER?

XOXO

Life: Rudeness - What do you do? - 7 Ways to Deal With Rudeness

6/19/2020

The older I get the less drama I want in my life.
I want peace and loving relationships. Truthful relationships are an absolute must as I get older, I don't have the energy to try to figure something out. Just tell me the truth and let me deal with it. But also, be ready to get the truth back and
deal with it.

Rudeness is probably my biggest pet peeve. People, even good friends and family, can be rude at times. I can be rude at times. They don't intend to be rude, as I don't intend to be rude, but never the less, it does happen. I don't hold that against anyone as it is just part of life.

Rudeness can be a result of not feeling well, being depressed, being too busy, or any number of other reasons. It is not an “old” person's issue, it is a “human” issue.

Then there are those who are rude just to be rude - to show their perceived power or position, to cause or inflict fear, or for any other of a number of 'reasons'. Those are the ones I have issues with. There's no reason to be rude on purpose to anyone. If you have issues with someone, talk to them.

How do I know what to do?
Here are a 6 ways to deal with rudeness:

1. Use humor to turn the situation around. Usually when a person is rude it's because they are upset about something else and you just happen to be the one nearby to receive the reaction. If you can find a common topic of humor you may be able to not only turn this person around, but also change their day.

2. Use kindness to turn the situation around. This is the one of the hardest things to do – be kind when someone is being rude to you or someone near you. If you can be kind, it allows the rude individual to calm down and rethink their position. Generally, they will begin to respond in a more positive way. Either way, you know you did the right thing.

3. Showing empathy or even sometimes sympathy is another way to handle rudeness. If the person thinks you can identify with their feelings, they are most often willing to respond in a nicer way. Sometimes rudeness is a reflection of the feeling of not being heard. When we know that someone understands why we are being rude, that may be all it takes to turn it around to a positive.

4. Set a good example, don't let the person drag you into their rudeness. Respond with kindness, humor, empathy, sympathy, or whatever it takes to diffuse the situation. Do the right thing, you will never regret that decision.

5. Try not to let the situation get out of control and don't return rudeness with rudeness (unless you are forced to and that is rarely the case, there is almost always another way to handle it.) Sometimes no matter what you do, you can not avoid rudeness or change someones attitude so rather that be rude back,
just walk away.

6. Sometimes all you can do is just walk away or avoid that person or situation. Before you allow yourself to return rudeness for rudeness – just leave.
It's that easy.

Remember: Rudeness will always be around. Don't take it as a personal assault, most of the time it has nothing to do with you. Don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution.
Always stay calm.

Have you had this situation with someone close to you? How did you handle it? Did it turn out well or do you wish you had handle it another way? Please start the conversation and share your thoughts and experiences, it will help all of us, including me.

XOXO

Book Review: The Truth About Men - by DeVon Franklin (A great book mostly for men, but also for women)

6/12/2020

Evolution. When we hear this word, visions of monkeys and apes no doubt appear in our minds. That is not the evolution I am speaking of.... it's the evolution of man to be the man he was meant to be.

As older adults we have a responsibility to try to help the younger generations navigate the world in a way that makes it better for each generation to come.

We have the opportunity to change the world for women... men have the opportunity to change the world for women and for themselves in a much needed way.

Men can change the course of generations to come for their daughters, granddaughters, wives, sisters, mothers, and all the men in their lives. The question is – Are men willing to change old habits, burst old excuses, and become strong men rather than dogs in a pack?

In DeVon Franklin's book, The Truth About Men, he talks about the dog that every man has within himself. He talks about the excuses that have been created to excuse the bad behavior of men over many generations. It took DeVon a few years to figure out that he was on this "traditional road" and was using these same excuses to “get away with it” and not be held accountable for his bad behavior towards the three lusts of men: the lust for money, the lust for power, and the lust for sex. When he realized what was happening he worked to change, to become disciplined in his thoughts and actions towards these three lusts of mankind.

Here are a few of those manufactured excuses for the bad behavior in men that have been passed down from generation to generation and accepted as true, even though they are lies:

Men will be men.

It's in men's DNA to behave that way.

It'a okay to look, but don't touch.

What my wife/girlfriend doesn't know won't hurt her.

The only difference in men and boys is cost of their toys.

There are many many more excuses, created to excuse men for disrespecting their wives/girlfriends, their bosses, or chasing greed.

This isn't a new thing, it has been this way for a long, long time and in every country. Some countries are worse than others when it comes to these behaviors.

Society has promoted this “it's a man's world” mentality through the increased access to pornography through the internet, relaxed restrictions on R and X ratings on movies, and the changes to music lyrics (more sexual and degrading to women). All of these creative outlets have lead to the objectification of women as being normal and acceptable.

Specifically, in Hollywood and the music Industry, many men have succumbed to the three lusts of man : They make a lot of money, they gain a lot of power, and the women flock to them and they go with it. Inevitably it leads to the wreckage of their lives or at the very least destruction of their careers and/or marriages.

When DeVon speaks “training the dog”, he is not referring to women training men. He is referring to men training themselves to control the dog within them.

He states that this “dog” in men has been left untrained for far too long and has developed into a “pack” mentality. In other words, guys follow guys and thus the behavior continues. If men could learn to train the dog within themselves, before long that would become the norm and the pack mentality would result in a pack of trained dogs.

Trained dogs that are more respected, more attractive to women, and more inclined to behavior that promotes happy lives for all.

There are a lot of really good, strong, men in this world. They are the ones that remain silent when their male friends make sexual remarks about a woman they see who is not their wife. He is the one who looks at a woman and sees God's creation, not a sexual object put there for his personal gratification.

These wonderful men work hard but are not ruled by money. They are powerful, but they use it wisely and respectfully.

They love women, but respect them as humans and as individuals, not as objects to be admired physically.

These are men who do not think jokes that put women in a sexually objective light are funny and will not participate or repeat.

These are the men who have trained the dog within them and become the master of their own minds, hearts, and lives. These are truly strong men to be admired.

I recommend this book to the men who read my blog and to the male friends and family of all readers of my blog.

I also recommend that women read this book (even though DeVon wrote it primarily to men) so that they can encourage their men and be aware of the changes they are trying to make.

While I used the audio version of this book that I obtained from my library, if you don't have access to a copy at your library, you can purchase it on Amazon here: https://amzn.to/35tLLuR

Let's encourage men to become the real men they were meant to be instead of pack of untrained dogs so we can also get rid of this excuse:

“Men, can't live with them, can't live without them.”
- Sheryl 2020 -
(Reword of a quote from Desiderius Erasmus, Dutch Philosopher)

Remember, we (the over 50 adult) have a lot of influence over the younger generations, if we approach it right. Suggesting a book like DeVon Franklin's is a good starting place, if they will read it. The biggest influence is in how we behave, the example we set, the life that we lead.

Do you as a woman, feel that men get away with far too much and that those common excuses (men will be men, etc.) contribute to the acceptance of this bad behavior? As men, do you see the dog in yourself? Is your dog trained or does he run wild with the pack? Comments are encouraged.

XOXO

Relationships: Opinions - Everybody has them, Nobody seems to want to hear them - Are they good to share?

6/5/2020

Everybody has opinions. I don't mind hearing peoples opinions, as long as they don't mind hearing mine. We don't have to agree for me to listen to their opinions. If someone wants to share their opinion with me, but they don't want to hear mine, then we have a problem.

If someone wants to share their opinion with me, but they insist that their opinion is right and mine is wrong, then we have a problem.

Otherwise, opinions are the way we learn about each other and the way we grow.

Sometimes, we over 50 adults, think that because we have lived longer, experienced more, and seen more that our opinions are the right ones. That may or may not be the case. We may be wrong.

Remember when you are discussing a topic with a younger person, to respect their right to their own opinion. If they are not respecting your opinion, try to set the example and encourage them to be more open minded without talking "down" to them. Everyone can learn something new or be wrong.

I found a few thoughts about opinions that I would like to share. Some of these thoughts are insightful, some are comical, and some are just down right good.

Read these thoughts and then in the comments, share what you think of these thoughts on opinions:

"Public opinion is no more than this:
what people think that other people think."
Alfred Austin,
English Poet and Novelist

"There are as many opinions as there are people: each has his own view."
Terence, Roman Comic Playwright,
taken from Phormio - Act 11, scene 4

"Those who never retract their opinions love themselves more than
they love the truth."
Joseph Joubert,
French Moralist and Essayist

"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice."
Steve Jobs

"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."
Mark Twain

"Don't let your opinion sway your judgement."
Samuel Goldwyn

"The greatest deception which men incur proceeds from their opinions."
Leonardo Da Vinci

"Opinion has caused more troubles on this little earth than plagues or earthquakes."
Voltaire

"People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world
is also a confession of character."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remember, when you give someone your opinion, it is YOUR opinion, not theirs. They will have their own opinion and you should respect that.

Remember, that if their opinion is different than yours, it's okay. You don't have to agree. It's okay. In fact, it makes for interesting conversation as long as no one takes it serious or personal.

Remember, if you over 50, you know a lot and have experienced a lot, but that doesn't mean you know everything. Respect the opinions of younger individuals even when you don't agree. There is a slight chance you could be wrong and even if your right...you don't want to lose that person.

Have you ever shared an opinion only to be met with rudeness? Have you ever heard a young person's (or older person) opinion on something and you know without a shadow of a doubt they are wrong? How did you handle that? Please share any comments, stories, or experiences you have had when exchanging opinions. It can help the rest of us.

XOXO

Sex After 50: 7 Tips for Better Sex After 50 - Protect Your Relationship

5/29/2020

Most sexual problems after the age of 50 are the direct result in a breakdown in communication:

Years of raising children and losing contact with each other on a personal level. Raising children can be stressful at times. Busy schedules created by children's activities can cause stress. Discipline issues create problems when parents can't agree on the discipline choice. These can cause communication issues between parents if they are not dealt with properly. Both parents need to be considerate of each other and work as a team. After the children are raised, you may find that you have lost communication with your partner and have nothing to talk about. Fix this! Fix this fast. If you can prevent it from happening to begin with - that is the best solution.

Undiscussed health issues, one partner or the other doesn't feel well or has heart issues, high blood pressure, etc., and they haven't talked about it with the other partner. If either one of you don't feel well or you have lost your desire for sex, don't ignore it. Discuss it with your partner and if needed, discuss with a healthcare professional. Most issues can be resolved easily. There is no need to suffer when there is help available.

Open wounds to the relationship caused by one or both partners. This could be something as small as an unresolved argument or as serious as an affair. It can include insulting, picking at a flaw, looking at other people, flirting with other people, or a general lack of respect in actions or words towards the other partner. Men and women alike, need to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, and valued by the one they love. If you or your partner is giving your attention to a third party, even if it's just a passerby, it can damage your relationship. Your attention should be on your partner, not another person, not ever - even when you are alone. If your focus is on your partner, you will find that you both will be happier with each other.

Lack of time for sex and related activities: Plan special dates - Lunch dates, dinner dates, movie dates, shopping dates, going for specialty coffee, a walk in the park to talk, staying awake and talking in bed right before drifting off to sleep, or anything that allows for intimate conversation. You must make time for sex, but you must also make time to talk to your partner if you want the sex to be good.

Start foreplay long before your intimate time. Flirt with your partner throughout the day, give compliments (truthful compliments), just keep in touch throughout the day letting your partner know you are thinking of them. Anything you can do that let's your partner feel valued, loved, desired, and wanted will count as foreplay.

Sex takes place in the brain first then the body responds. If there is anything that is an issue between you and your partner whether physically, emotionally, or mentally, it will stand in your way of a loving relationship with lovely intimate moments including great sex.

The key is COMMUNICATION!

Talk, talk, talk, but be positive, be loving, be respectful, be helpful, be understanding, don't be selfish or self serving. Always think of your partner first and you will not regret it.

In past blogs under the "Sex After 50"category, I have dealt with various issues related to some of the items listed above. I suggest you go back and read those blogs, as well, if you are feeling unfulfilled sexually in your marriage or relationship.

I hope this helps anyone who is struggling with sex after the age of 50. If we don't address the issues that prevent good sexual health, they will get worse and you will miss out on all the health benefits that sex provides.

(NOTE: I am not a therapist, doctor, or an expert on sex, relationships, etc. I do research and I learn from discussions from others, and my own experiences.)

What do you think is the biggest determent to good sex for adults over the age of 50? Do you have any issues that were not discussed in this blog? Do you have any ideas or suggestions that were not discussed in this blog or in my past Sex After 50 blogs? Please open a conversation so that we can learn from each other.

XOXO

SPECIAL: Memorial Day for the Over 50 - Safe, Sound and Blessed

5/22/2020

This Memorial Day Weekend will be different than Memorial Day's in the past. With social distancing, masks, and still some closures, it will be totally different in how we celebrate. With the emphasis on the vulnerability of people over 60 years old and children, we need to be more careful while still celebrating life.

While certain businesses and recreational activities (such as beaches and parks) have been allowed to open now with restrictions, we should not lower our standards of self protection. In fact, we should be more aware of it since we will probably be doing more outside of our homes.

Don't let the virus stop you from enjoying your Memorial Holiday, but be aware of the dangers. If you are going to be around your grandchildren, remember the dangers, but still enjoy those children with all your heart.

If there is one thing we should all take away from this "lock down" is how fragile our lives really are. At a moments notice we can lose contact with our families and friends, either through illness, national emergencies, death, and many other situations.

My bottom line message today for this Memorial Weekend?

Appreciate every minute you have with your family and friends because you never know when that opportunity will be snatched away.

Have a blessed
Memorial Day Weekend!
Get out and enjoy the fresh air, sunshine (or rain, lol),
and the company of loved ones (within safe parameters).

XOXO

Creativity: Look locally for artists that need your support AND Where you can learn a new skill – Win/Win!

5/15/2020

Last week a friend and I drove two and a half hours to take an eight hour class in colored pencils. This was my fifth class with Teresa. Every class is different and I learn different skills. I am not an experienced artist and I knew nothing about what could be done with colored pencils. I was nervous about taking the first class. Especially when I saw the work of some of the other students.

I had wanted to take one of her classes since I first saw her at a Christmas show several years ago, but self doubt prevented me from signing up. I just didn't think I could do it well enough to be worth the time and money investment.

The artist, Teresa Pennington, is well known for her artwork of local landmarks and historical locations. She is named The Artist of the Blue Ridge. Her work is amazing.

You can take a virtual tour of her gallery and read her biography on her website here: https://www.tpennington.com/index.php

Here's the five projects I finished in the five classes I took:

I encourage you to seek a local artist that can teach you a new creative skill. Stretch your mind, stretch your creative juices, and stretch your abilities. Add to your skills and protect your brain health by learning something new.

If you don't have access to a local artist, then go online and search for teacher. You can find them on YouTube, on websites, and by word of mouth. It is easier now than ever to find a free teacher or a low cost class to learn something new.

Learn painting, drawing, writing, knitting, crochet, coloring, colored pencils, quilting, candle making, soap making, scrap booking, photography, even a different language, the options are endless.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old.
We grow old because
we stop playing.”
George Bernard Shaw

Even if you don't think you are creative, you can learn to be. You might be surprised at what you can do if you just try, no matter how far out of your comfort zone you step.

Our brains are able to learn much more than we give it credit for, no matter what our age. It may take a little more time or a little more effort on our part, but we can do it. We can learn new skills after the age of 50. We can learn to be creative after the age of 50. We can increase our knowledge after the age of 50.

What creative skills do you possess? What new creative skill would you like to learn? Is there something you always wanted to do but didn't know how (like oil paint, quilt, write stories, etc.)? What are you doing or what are you going to do, to learn a new skill?

XOXO

Health and Wellness: Hydration vs Dehydration - the liquid gold of life or a killer?

5/8/2020

What is one of the most common ailments related to the over 50 adult? What is responsible for a variety of illnesses and ailments in most adults, but specifically if you are over the age of 50? What is the easiest cause of illness and ailments to remedy? The answer might surprise yo - it's water, dehydration.

Do you know what can happen to your body if you don't drink enough water? Most people don't connect dehydration with these symptoms, illnesses, or ailments. Most people turn to medications to treat the symptoms, never considering the "why".

Well, today I want you to consider the "why" if you experience any of the following symptoms:

Very dry skin
Feeling dizzy
Rapid heartbeat
Rapid breathing
Sunken eyes
Constipation
not peeing or very dark yellow pee
sleepiness
lack of energy
confusion or irritability
headache
dry mouth
inability to lose weight
fever over 101
low blood pressure upon standing
in extreme cases - seizures

(NOTE: Any of the above symptoms can indicate mild or severe dehydration. You need to decide if you think you can self hydrate or if you need medical help. Don't take chances by self treating, if you have severe symptoms. Seek medical help.)

How important is it for the over 50 person to stay hydrated?

Extremely! Why is more dangerous for an older person to become dehydrated? Brain cells will sometimes try to store water to quickly and that can result in damage to cells and even the rupturing of brain cells. This is more likely to happen in someone over the age of 50. I have known several people over 50 who were hospitalized for being dehydrated when they thought they were just really tired.

What are the best drinks if you are deydrated? Here's some suggestions:

Water - this is the best way to stay hydrated
Electrolyte infused water
Gatorade
Coconut water
Pedialyte
Skim and low fat milk
fruits and vegetables
coffee and tea

If you are experiencing severe symptoms of dehydration, see your doctor. You may need IV fluids or special hydration fluids. Don't just reach for the pain reliever or sleep excessively. Try more water first.

The best thing is to not get dehydrated in the first place. Most health professionals agree that you should drink eight 8 ounce glasses of water each day. That would be 64 ounces through the whole day. This seems to be the minimum amount needed. Some medical professionals think we need a little more than 64 ounces.

Drinking water is the liquid gold of life.The bottom line is no matter what age you are, you should drink water, the recommended average is eight-eight ounce glasses per day, but especially important if you are over the age of 50. The benefits of staying hydrated are enormous.

DRINK UP!

How much water do you drink in a day? Do you increase your water consumption if you are active outdoors on a hot summer day? Have you ever been dehydrated? What symptoms did you experience?

XOXO

Life: If a Friend disagrees with you, are they still your friend?

5/1/2020

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best
in me."
Henry Ford

Everyone wants a friend that they can depend on to be there for them when no one else is. Someone who will let them be who they are without judgments. A friend who understands you and loves you anyway, even when they know all your faults.

What if that person doesn't always agree with your way of thinking or doesn't always back you up in a dispute or disagrees with some of your decisions and lets you know it, are they still a friend?

The answer to that question depends on what you want from a friend. Do you want someone who let's you know when you are messin' up? When you thinking wrongly? Or do you want someone who is always in your corner, whether you are right or wrong?

I have known some from both sides of that argument. Some people i know like to have a friend who will be honest with them no matter what, but still stands with them no matter if they are right or wrong. Some people I know will not be friends with anyone who disagrees with them or who doesn't see things the same way they do. Everyone has needs and everyone's needs are different. Or are they?

Deep down to the core of what a true friendship means is the same for everyone - trust. We all want that one friend that we can trust with the bad stuff as well as the good stuff about us. They may not always agree with us, but they always support our right to our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. They accept us for who we are with all our weaknesses and all our strengths.

If someone doesn't agree with you, it doesn't mean that they are not a good friend. Just as you most likely won't always agree with your friend all the time, that doesn't mean you are not a good friend to them.

Personally, I would rather have a friend who is honest with me, even if I don't always like what they have to say, but still supports me regardless if we see eye-to-eye, than someone who lets me make mistakes that they may have prevented or wants me to agree with everything they say. I want someone who accepts me, faults and all and I will do the same for them.

"A friend is someone who gives you
total freedom
to be
yourself."
Jim Morrison

Sometimes it takes getting older to realize what is valuable in a friendship. When we are young, most of us just wanted to be accepted. Some of us may have compromised our needs or beliefs in order to find that acceptance. When we were young, we may have had a spat with a friend that lead to more misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Now that we are older, hopefully we know how to handle those differences (spats) and not let them ruin a good friendship.

You decide:

1. Do you want a "friend" who always agrees with you even when you are wrong?

2. Do you want a "friend" who will stand with you against others, but then in private tell you where you messed up?

3. Do you want a "friend" who can be trusted with all your faults as well as all your strengths?

4. What kind of a "friend" are you?

"The most I can do for
my friend is simply be his friend."
Henry David Thoreau

No one lives forever and a good friend or two can make getting older a lot easier and happier. Don't let foolish little spats or differences in opinions ruin an otherwise good friendship. People with friends live longer and happier lives than those who are isolated or are always mad at someone.

"Friendship is unnecessary,
like philosophy, like art...
It has no survival value;
rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."
C. S. Lewis

Do you find it easier or harder to make friends as you get older? Do you find that you are more accepting of their faults as you both age? Have you ever lost a good friend over a insignificant difference of opinion or a ridiculous spat? What kind of a friend are you?

XOXO