The month of February is closing. The month of love is fading away. Does that mean that we go back to our lives and forget about love until next February? Absolutely not!

Love is something that should be with us every day of the year, whether you married, divorced, widowed, or single. It is a need that we have as humans. We are not made to be alone, isolated, or without love. There are many types of love and they each fill a specific need. Love is not contingent on possessions or circumstances. Love is a choice. Sometimes, we can choose to love or we can choose not to love. Sometimes, we have no choice, we find that we love someone without choosing. For example, love we have for a grandchild, a child, a parent, your dog or cat, your best friend, even yourself.

Here are some thoughts from others
​to lift you up:

"To resist the frigidity of old age, 
one must combine the body, the mind, and the heart. 
And to keep these in parallel vigor one must exercise, study, 
and love."
Alan Bleasdale 
British Television Dramatist, Age 70

*******

"I think women should start to embrace their age. 
What's the alternative to getting older? You die. 
I can't change the day I was born. 
But I can take care of my skin, my body, my mind, 
and try to live my life and be happy."
Olivia Munn
American Actress, Comedian, Author, Model, Television Personality
Age 36 (Young, but wise)

*******

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday 
but never remembers her age."
Robert Frost
American Poet

*******
(And finally)
"Age does not protect you from love.
But love, to some extent, 
protects you from age."
Anais Nin
American/French 
Writer of novels, short stories, and erotica

So, we can see that some people believe that love will keep us young. I am one of those who believes this. I believe that once we stop loving, we stop living. I have seen many older adults become bitter and selfish because they gave up on love. Some gave up on love because they felt old and others because they could never move on after a loss. I also believe that whatever the reason, if we maintain love in our lives, we will be happier and happier people seem to live longer and healthier.

We should always choose love.
​ 
"Finally, brethren, 
whatsoever things are true, 
whatsoever things are honest, 
whatsoever things are just, 
whatsoever things are pure, 
whatsoever things are lovely, 
whatsoever things are of good report;
 if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, 
think on these things."
Philippians 4:8  KJV

Stay positive,
think on good things,
find love in your life, 
live love everyday of your life, 
and don't let fear of growing old put limitations on your love.

Are you in love? Have you lost a love? Do you hide from love thinking you are too old? Do you think on things positive in your life or the negative? And lastly, do you consider yourself happy and loved?

XOXO

​More on love in the month of February!

Everyone hears about the older man who leaves his older wife for a younger woman. It happens. Some men choose younger women for a number of reasons. Of course, the main reason is that the man is most likely feeling old and when a younger woman shows him any attention, it stirs unrest and he begins his venture to find his lost youth.

However, that is not always the case. There is a little talked about phenomenon about younger men and older women. There is a growing group of younger men who prefer older women, but we seldom hear about them. They are out there and you may be surprised at who they are.

"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. 
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

I have experienced this myself
(one that I will share....lol).
 I was 49 years old and one of my daughter's 19 year old male friends showed a subtle interest in me. I assumed he was friendly to me because of my daughter. The realization of what was going on occurred during a bowling tournament in which my daughter was competing. Afterwards, she and a couple of her team members continued to bowl for fun. I ventured to the pool table to watch the games. This young man (who was very tall and looked older than 19) was playing pool. During the game, he would come over and get a drink of his soft drink that was on the shelf next to me. He kept coming to drink more often and when he did, he would comment about how nice I looked or ask me if I played pool, and other small talk. When the game was over I walked away, but I walked within a foot of him in order to leave the crowded pool area. He touched my arm and leaned over to say "no one would have to know". I looked at him and then I realized what he was saying. My response was "I would, so no." 
This young man was a nice person, he was not trying to be disrespectful. He was making an attempt to approach me as an adult, but he failed. He was too young. He and my daughter remained bowling friends and nothing was ever said. He never approached me again. This story is only to illustrate my point that some young men are attracted to older women for a number of reasons.

Overheard: I like the idea of OLDER WOMEN and YOUNGER MEN 
- it tends to UPSET all the RIGHT PEOPLE.

According to an AARP survey of 3,500 older singles, 34 percent of women in the 40-to-69 age group date younger men and 14 percent of women age 50 to 59 say they prefer dating men in their 40s or younger. (Dating and Romance: A Study of Midlife Singles, AARP Magazine, September 2003, http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/singles.pdf)

Elite for Singles conducted a study of over 450,000 online daters and found that men, ages 20 to 29, prefer to date older women. The study also found that the average length of an older woman/younger man relationship lasted two years. (https://www.elitesingles.com/mag/relationship-advice/older-women-dating-younger-men) 

Why? Why are younger men attracted to older women? Why are older women attracted to younger men?
Think on these:

1.  The older woman has most likely already filled her need for a family and the traditional "nest" making. She is ready to regain some of her lost youth. A younger man is most likely not looking to start a family or traditional marriage. He can benefit from the relationship by learning about life and love emotionally, mentally, and physically from the older woman.

2.  Many of the younger men grew up after the feminist movement and are less sexist than their fathers. The also tend to be less interested in money and status. An older woman has more confidence and has already accomplished a lot, therefore the relationship takes priority instead of the career.

3.  Sam Owen, EliteSingles Partner psychologist, believes "young men nowadays probably also recognize that older women are adept at diligently juggling so many responsibilities (career, children, housekeeping, fitness, finances, socializing), which makes them intriguing and attractive and a more secure option."

The younger man and older woman scenario is played in real life over and over again. It just doesn't get the attention that an older man with a a younger woman is given. One example of a "successful" younger man/older woman relationship is country musician/singer, Randy Travis (57) who married his manger-wife, Elizabeth Hatcher-Travis (75), in 1991. They were married for 19 years. He was 32 and she was 59 when they married. Another example: Demi Moore was 33 years old and Ashton Kutcher was 27 when they married in 2005. Their marriage lasted 8 years.

The studies show that women are more appreciated and valued as they age now more than in the past. It's not that younger women are inferior, but older women are still valuable. 

"Older women know who they are, 
and that makes them more beautiful than younger ones.
 I like to see a face with some character. 
I want to see lines. I want to see wrinkles."

- Naveen Andrews, British Actor -
("Lost", "The English Patient", 
"Rollerball" remake of 2002,
and many other films)

If in old age you find yourself single again, whether by divorce or death, do not despair. The world is changing. Growing old is not what it used to be.

Age is more than just a number,
it is an attitude!

What is your attitude about growing older? Have you ever been approached by a younger man who was interested in dating you? Would you ever consider a younger man? If you are a man, would you ever consider an older woman as a date? What are your thoughts on this trend of older women and younger men dating and marrying?

XOXO

Marriage and Relationships are strange things - if your're in a good one, it can still be bad and when you're in a bad one, it can still be good. The challenges that a young couple face are quite different than the challenges of older couples. Couples who have been together for many, many years face a variety of issues that can break a long relationship, if left unchecked.

Often we assume that because our partner is silent and not complaining, that they are happy. This may not be the case. I have spoken to many women (and a few men) over the years and certain things keep coming up as issues in their relationships. I have seen people who were together 20-25-30 or more years call it quits when they reach retirement because they are so unhappy. 

The following list are a few reasons relationships fail later in life. This is not a complete list. Study them and if any apply to your relationship, try to fix them before it's too late:
​
1.  Lack of Communication. I started to put this on the bottom of the list, but then realized that this one thing affects all the other issues. If you can fix this one, you can fix the others. If you can't communicate, then it will be hard to fix any of the rest of these issues. You must be able to talk things over.

As we get older, many partners begin to limit conversation to the minimum. They think they know the other person so well, that there are no new conversations to be had. Many times, one person may have changed their views on a subject over the years, but the other person never noticed. Real communication is the key to any situation, but especially to a marriage/relationship.

2.  On different pages in life.  Each person in a relationship has goals for their future, ideas about retirement, and how the spend the rest of their life. Often one person believes the other person shares these goals and ideas, only to find out too late, that they are on completely different pages from each other. Through open and honest communication compromises can be achieved. Without communication and compromise, you are opening the door to the destruction of the relationship.

I have personal experience with this issue.  My husband and I found out late in life that our ideas on retirement were completely different. Fortunately, we were able to compromise and are still together. If one or the other is unwilling to compromise, then I feel the relationship will suffer in major ways and may even end eventually. 

Discuss how you feel at different stages of life and compromise when possible. Don't be the one to always give in to the other, it must be a mutual win/win situation.

3.  Taking the other for granted. Many times after people have been in a relationship for a long time, they forget what brought them together in the first place. Most likely, when they first decided to become a couple it was because they wanted to do things with that person, they enjoyed talking to that person, they wanted to be near that person, all because they loved that person.

Over time, it is easy to forget to pay a compliment to the other person or to even acknowledge them. We roam in and out of our homes, walking right past each other and never say a word. We may say I love you right before turning into bed, but what about that hug that used to be so important to you many years ago? 

Taking time to do something that we may not really want to do but we know the other person really enjoys...how often do we do that as we get older?  Have we lost the need to make the other person feel important to us?
 
If that person were gone, would you miss them? Think about that. Keep that in mind as you pass them in the hall or wake up next to them in the morning and you are both still breathing.

4. Walking on Eggshells. Some people when they get older, let fear of death or disappointments cause them to become bitter or "grumpy". We have all heard the terms "grumpy old men" or "cranky old women". Often, when this happens the other person must "walk on eggshells" to keep the peace. Sometimes fear of the future or disallusionment with the way their life has turned out results in them becoming angry at life, at their partner, at themselves.

The other person finds that they must be careful of every word they speak or every action they take so that they don't offend the other person...so not to "set them off". This is an unhealthy way to live.

Once again, communication is the key to resolving this issue. Talk to the other person and find out why they are so unhappy, so angry, and express to them that you love them. Be sincere in your approach to their feelings, be kind and try to come to place where you both feel good.

The Bible tells us:
"Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath".
( Ephesians 4:26 ) 

So don't go to bed angry, hurt or feeling unloved. Resolve issues before you close your eyes at the end of the day.  Don't take today's problems into tomorrow.

5.  Isolation. Sometimes one partner will withdraw from the other partner. It can happen for a number of reasons. Reasons that a partner may withdraw from the other partner may be due to health issues, fear of death, or depression. If you find your partner withdrawing from you, talk to them. Try to find out if they are experiencing any of these issues and encourage them to get professional help if needed. Be supportive. If they withdraw out of just loss of love for you this is a more difficult situation and you may never know that this is the reason. 

In most cases, you may just have to live with the isolation and try to make the best of it. Finding things to keep you busy and seeking the company of others will help you deal with the isolation. Don't give in to the temptation to have an affair or leave your partner. They may not have love for you but they are still your partner. If you are a Christian, you must fulfill your vows to your marriage and to God. God will help to fill the void that has been created by this involuntary isolation.

6. Dishonesty. Sometimes when couples have been married a long time, they have no secrets between them. They are completely open and honest about their past, their thoughts, their desires, and other things important to life. However, there are relationships where this is not the case. One partner may hide things from the other person.

Some things they may hide or lie about are:

    1.  How much money they spend.

    2.  Where they spend their free time (for example: a bar, a casino, another person they are in love with, etc.)

    3.  Sometimes one person in the relationship has a problem with alcohol consumption. They may even be an alcoholic.
​
    4.   Just common every day things (for example: did they break your heirloom dish, did they stain the carpet with their coffee, and many other things.)

The important thing to remember is this, you can not control how another person feels or what they do. You can only control how you respond to them. You can let their failures become your own, or you can rise above them. Marriages do not have to end because of the six things listed above, if you don't give up. There are also many other reasons that people who have been married 20, 30, or more years divorce. But they all seem to have the same root cause - the couples stop talking to each other. They take the relationship for granted until it disintegrates - from within.

I hope this blog has helped you in some way. Whether just to understand or to actually fix your relationship. Please comment and help others.

Do you struggle in your relationship with any of the six issues listed in this blog? If so, how did you handle or how are you handling it? If you have experienced any of these issues, did your marriage dissolve or did it survive? Do you have any insight that may help someone else and perhaps save a marriage?

XOXO

The month of February has long been associated with love and romance. More roses are purchased and given in February than any other month of the year. Here are a few flower facts:

    "Roses and Flowers:
    110 million roses, mostly red ones, will be sold and delivered within a three-day time period.
    Valentine’s Day is the big time of year for red roses. Mother’s Day sees more pastel colored roses sold.
    The State of California produces 60% of American roses, but most roses sold on Valentine’s Day in the U.S. are imported from South America.
    15% of American women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day.
    73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine’s Day are men; only 27% are women."
    (Courtesy of: http://www.kidzworld.com/article/16246-valentines-day-trivia-2009)

Valentines Day is the second most celebrated holiday in the United States. Where did Valentines Day originate? Here's a little trivia for you:

    "Background:
    There are a number of Saints called Valentine who are honored on February 14. The day became associated with romantic love in the Middle Ages in England. This may have followed on from the Pagan fertility festivals that were held all over Europe as     the winter came to an end. Traditionally, lovers exchanged hand written notes. Commercial cards became available in the mid nineteenth century."
    (Courtesy of: https://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/us/valentine-day)

Valentines are exchanged among the young, as well. In schools everywhere, children will give and receive valentine cards. Even if you are single, widowed, or divorced...there is someone who would like a valentine card from you. It's not just about romance, it is a celebration of love.

As over 50 adults, we should lead the way in showing the younger generations how to love and how to show love. It's not just for couples, it is for everyone. Everyone needs love. February is just a month set aside to celebrate love (and romance), every day is a day to express love for each other, love for our fellow man...especially now-a-days.

Ways to Express Love:

1.  Find something nice about the person and tell them you like that about them.

2.  Hug them when you leave and when you return. It re-enforces your feelings for them.

3.  Help them when they need help. Don't wait for them to ask, just get up and help them.

4   Tell them everyday that you love them. We assume they should know, but it is still nice to hear.

5.  Talk to them.  Ask about their day, tell them about yours, plan something with them (a vacation, a purchase, what movie to watch)...include them in your plans.

6.  Back them up in public. Even you don't entirely agree with them, find a way to make them feel respected and accepted, don't let anyone run over them with words, actions, or attitudes. You can discuss your differences when you are alone and out of the scrutiny of others.

7.  Do something unexpected for them (load dishwasher without being asked, wash their car, take them to an activity they enjoy, fix dinner for them with a favorite dish, etc.) or give them an unexpected gift (flowers, homemade pie, something new to wear, dinner out, etc.).

8.  Spend time with them. We manage to find time for the things we value, do you value this person in your life? Find time for them, if you don't spend time with them someone else may.

9.  Never and I repeat never, speak down to them. Always lift them up. It will be reciprocated most likely, but even if they return your positive communication with negativity, you have done a lot to change that. Over time, they will begin to respond differently to you. Make them feel important and respected. This goes for arguing in public, never, never do that.
​
10.  Respect their values. If the person in your life is spiritual (and maybe you're not) try to accept this and participate when you can. If they are sports minded, accept this and participate when you can. Whatever it is that they value, respect it, accept it, and participate with them when you can.

This is just a short list of ways to show your love to someone. There are many more ways and if you look you will see them. Everyone wants to feel good about themselves, feel loved, feel respected, and be happy. Treat your partner the way you would want to be treated if you were them.

Things may not always be rosy,
but if you do your part,
you will be happier for it.
If you do your part,
your partner will be happier, also.

Remember, February is the month of love and romance, do your part!

Do you believe in romance?  Do you think it can last through a lifetime? Do you treat your partner the way you want to be treated? When was the last time you helped them with something without being asked? Name one thing that your partner did for you recently that made you feel loved.

XOXO