In nature, every season has its own beauty and a purpose. This is true of the seasons of life for a woman, also. Every season of a woman's life has its own beauty and a purpose. For this reason, women should never let age cause feelings of sadness or hopelessness. 
Although our health may cause us to slow down, God still has a plan for us at every age. 

Here are a few examples of women who never gave in to age and as a result fulfilled some amazing accomplishments:

    1.  Mother Theresa was active in her work with the poor up to the day of her passing at the age of eighty-seven.

    2.  Diane Keaton (70), Meryl Streep (67), Jane Fonda (79), Lily Thomlin (77), Jane Seymour (65), Helen Mirren (71), Jessica Lange (67), and many more actresses who are still working and are still actively pursueing their passion.

    3.  Cher (70), Madonna (58), Reba McEntyre (61), Joni Mitchell (73), and several other over 50 ladies who are still making music, performing, and living their life as full as they can.

    4.  Cindy Joseph (60+), Cindy Crawford (50), Christy Brinkley (62), Veronica Webb (51), Susan Sarandon (70), Joan Didion (82), Tilda Swinton (56), Charlotte Rampling (70), and several others are still modeling/spokeswomen for fashion/cosmetics.

    5.   Sarah (Genesis 21) -was way past menopause when he son, Isaac was born.

    6.   Mary, mother of Jesus, was middle aged when she witnessed Jesus' crucifixtion and resurrection. (John 19:25)

    7.  On the politcal scene we have Hillary Clinton (60), Carly Fiorina(62), Sarah Palin (52), and a few others who are still active and working hard.

As you can see there are a lot of women over 50 who refuse to give up and sit in the rocking chair on the front porch. 

The thing these women have in common is not success or careers, but the gumption to go on and a passion for life. They don't stand still.
 
There is an old saying that goes something like this: What you don't use, you lose. This is true about just about everything. If you don't use your car for a while, a lot of  times when you do decide to drive it, it won't start. It's been sitting too long.

Think about yourself. No matter your age, you can sit and rust, or you can move and live. Keeping your mind active, your body moving, and always having a goal or plan will make a huge difference in the quality of life in our older years. 

Don't let the year of your birth or number of your age decide who you are. Forget the numbers and go with how you feel. Also, be positive. Don't dwell on what is wrong or what you don't have. Think on the positive and work to correct what is wrong. 

While it is true, we may only live through tomorrow, it is also just as likely that we will live another 20 years. How do you want to live those years? Immobile? Confined to home? Isolated? OR, active, social, enjoying life?

If you choose to give up, you are slapping God in the face. He has accomplished so much through the older women of the Bible. He may have something he needs you for, but if you choose to give up, what can he do? You have made the choice and he will allow you to live your choices.

Make 2017 the year you improve yourself and your life. The year that you choose life over fear. The year where you think possibilities instead of limitations.

"The fountain of youth can be found in our own thinking."
- Sheryl -

What goals do you have for 2017? How old do you feel physically? Mentally? What can you do in 2017 to feel younger and more vibrant? Do you have advice for others that may help them to make 2017 the year of feeling young?

XOXO

Christmas means different things to different people. For most of us it is a time to reflect on the birth of Christ (even though this is not the exact date of his birth), share gifts with those we love, eat way too many sugary treats, and also, reflect on the coming new year. To some it is a time to stress over how to pay for the gifts, how to get Christmas day meal prepared while working the day before and the day after, and missing those we have lost. Still to others, it is a combination of all or some of the above with a few customized touches.

At my house, it is a time to reflect on Christ, enjoy our family and friends, preparing meals, but not stressing over them, and not spending out of our budget. We try to keep it simple and meaningful. Too often Christmas becomes all about the gifts and food. We forget the people that make all the other days of the year worth living. 

Have you ever wondered where all the common traditions come from that we in America use to celebrate Christmas? I did a little looking and this is what I found, courtesy of a book titled Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things by Charles Panati

Enjoy!

Poinsettia was adopted as the Christmas flower around 1828. Dr. Joel Roberts Poinsett, the first United States ambassador to Mexico, brought the plant from Mexico into the United States, where it was renamed in his honor.

Christmas Tree custom is thought to have originated in Germany in the 8th century (700s). The earliest account is of St. Boniface (born Winfrid in A.D. 680) preaching to a group (tribe) of Germanic Druids on the outskirts of a town named Geismar about the nativity.  (St Boniface was a British monk and missionary.)

Christmas Cards (commercially printed) originated in London in 1843. The first Christmas card designed for sale was by John Calcott Horsley, a respected illustrator.  Prior to this, people had exchanged hand written holiday greetings.

Outdoor Christmas Lights began in Germany during the early 17th century as candles on the tree and in the windows (to indicate a Christian home). In 1880 during the Christmas season, Thomas Edison introduced the first outdoor electric Christmas light display to the world. Technology has continued to improve the quality and safety of these outdoor displays.

December 25 was chosen as the day to celebrate the birth of Christ since around 354 AD, although the actual date of birth of Jesus is unknown. It coincides with the Winter Soltice celebration and  it was the date of a Roman pagan festival in honor of the Sun god Sol Invictus.

Do you have traditions at Christmas? Share with us what you do to celebrate. Above all, celebrate! Don't turn down any opportunities to have dinner or a fun night with friends.
 Merry Christmas!

XOXO

 Last week I wrote about ways to survive the holidays when you have lost a child or loved one, this week I am writing to those of us who are trying to help someone who has lost a child or loved one. I spoke to people who have actually experienced these losses, spoke to a couple of professionals, and did some research. Here is what I found out, a lot of it is common sense. However, when a tragedy occurs such as this type of loss, common sense does not always prevail. We are human and our emotions sometimes get in the way of common sense.

First of all and probably the most important thing to remember is this:
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"The biggest help for those of us who want to help another is to remember this is an individualized process."
- Kambi Swan,
Licensed Professional Counselor,
specializing in Trauma

Remember that every person grieves differently. There is not a one size fits all for helping someone. Losing a child is different than losing a spouse, parent, etc. Also, the life experiences of the survivor affects the way they grieve. If they have experienced prior losses they may recover quicker than someone who has never experienced a loss. If the survivor is experiencing other issues in their life duirng the time of the loss, they may not do as well as someone who is well grounded and their life is stable. 
Losing a child is the hardest loss because it challenges the natural order of life. We don't expect to out live our children. Losing a spouse depends a lot on the health of the relationship at the time of death. Someone who has been madly in love with their spouse for 30 or more years will have a harder time recovering than someone whose marriage was on shaky ground or where there was unhappiness. Both still grieve, but it is different for each and recovery time varies.

Some things to remember when trying to help a person with this type of loss:

1.  The first year is called "The Year of Firsts". This is a readjustment period. First holiday without their child or loved one, first birthday, first anniverssary, etc. 

2.  Take all pre-concieved notions of grief off the table, everyone grieves differently.

3.  Remember, they haven't lost a person, they've lost a relationship. Relationships are what makes each person different. My niece passed this year. My relationship with her was as her aunt, my sister's relationship was as her mother. Same person, big difference.

4.  Please, please, please remember to avoid trite statements (but not limited to the following):
    - They are better off now
    - God needed another angel
    - You can have other children
    - God called them home

5.  The survivor is trying to find meaning in the death of their loved one. Each person has to find their own meaning and it may not make sense to you. It doesn't have to, just accept it for them and go on even if you don't agree with it.

6.  The survivor is trying to come to terms with the why of their loved ones death. They must do this on their own. You may have ideas and you can share them as long as they are not judgemental or cast blame on someone. The survivor knows things they are not telling you, you may not have all the story. You don't need to know everything, this is not your journey, it is theirs and they must travel it in their own way.

7.   Call or visit them and just be a listening ear for most of this time, but do not avoid the subject either. Let the survivor bring up the subject and then participate, don't avoid. Remember the lost loved one with fondness always keeping it on a positive note.

8.  The survivor is also searching for relief of responsibility. They will ask themselves:
    - Could I have prevented this?
    - Did I pay enough attention?
    - Did I miss something that could have made a difference?
The survivor will relive many past moments looking for clues. They are looking for peace with what's happened. They are looking for closure. Let them, do not discourage them. 

9.  Do not recommend medication. Not everyone needs medication and most should not have it. A lot depends on what was going on in their life when the death occurred. Leave this to the professionals. It is always better to deal with and recover from a trauma such as this without medication.

10.  Be supportive. Do not give advice, there is no way you could understand what they ar going through. Even if you have experienced a similar situation, rememeber "it's an individualized process".

Here are some good resources:

Support Groups:

Griefshare - a national support group that will put you contact with other people who have expereinced the same type of loss; www.griefshare.org/

Rainbow Kids - a support group that targets children who have lost parents or other significant family/friends; www.rainbowkidswi.org/

Bereavement Support Group Online; www.dailystrength.org/group/bereavement

Books:

"Life, Death, and Beyond" by Mack Lyon; www.amazon.com/Life-Death-Beyond-Mack-Lyon/dp/0929540174/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481834302&sr=1-1&keywords=mack+Lyon

"Jesus Wept : Trusting the Good Shepherd When You Lose a Loved One" by Leroy Brownlow:
www.amazon.com/Jesus-Wept-Trusting-Shepherd-Loved/dp/0915720124

"Healing After Loss" by Martha Whitmore Hickman; www.amazon.com/Healing-After-Loss-Meditations-Working/dp/0380773384

"Widow to Widow" by Gineveve Ginsburg; www.amazon.com/Widow-Thoughtful-Practical-Ideas-Rebuilding/dp/0738209961

"Don't Ever Give Up!" by Bob Spurlin;
www.amazon.com/Widow-Thoughtful-Practical-Ideas-Rebuilding/dp/0738209961

Additional help is available: I want to add a number 11 to this list. Number 11 is to pray everyday for your friend or family member who has lost a loved one. 

"Pray often for God's help, comfort, and guidance."
- Bob Spurlin, author ("Don't Ever Give Up!") 
Psalms 55:17; James 5:13; Psalms 55:22: 1 Peter 5:7 

One scripture that always gives me comfort is found in Revelation21:4:

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain."

So, we can see that there are lots of things we can do to help our loved ones deal with the death of one of their children or a loved one. It requires us to step up and take it upon ourselves as it will not come to us. If we love our friend or family member and are truly sincere about wanting to the help them, then follow the guidelines in this week's blog and you should become an important part of their support system.

Do you know someone experiencing this loss? Are you trying to be a member of their support team? Do you have first hand experience in this area? Are you willing to share your thoughts with the rest of us (the readers). 

XOXO

If you ask anyone who has lost a loved one, they will tell you it's hard to return to the life you had before the loss. That loss changes your life in varying degrees. If you ask someone who has lost a child, they will tell you it's devastating and impossible to return to life as it once was.

As we who are over 50 strive to eat healthy, exercise, and live longer, we must also remember that the longer we live, the more losses of friends and family through death we will face. It's important to develope skills and a community to help ourselves and others deal with these losses.

As an over 50 person, I know I have experienced a lot of losses already in my life. The journey thru the fifties prepares us for the later years. Losing our hair, gaining weight, hormone changes, creaky joints, daily medications, etc. We have also most likely experienced the death of a loved family member. Still we struggle to survive the holidays without them.

I spoke to several of my friends and family about how they have dealt with the loss of a child or a loved one. I also researched suggestions from professional sources, such as a preacher, a church elder, a family counselor, and a doctor.

Here are the results of my research and interviews. I hope that this information helps someone whether you have lost a loved one, friend, or a child, or you are trying to help someone else who has experienced loss.

    1.  You may not feel like celebrating the first holiday and that's ok. You don't owe anyone an explanation. 

    2.  Sometimes getting away from home for the holiday is a good idea. Different surroundings, different traditions being made, and separation from reminders of holidays past. Stay in a different town or city, state or country, in a hotel or B&B, just somewhere different, can ease the pain of the missing loved one.

    3.  You need at least one person that you can call on at any time during the holiday season. Someone you trust, someone who will just listen, someone who is always available or at least most of the time, so that when you have a bad time, you can call and talk through it.

    4.  If you have a grave to go to, decorate it. It helps to include that loved one in the holiday and not leave them out. If you don't have a grave to visit, such as in cremation, decorate the container or the area around the container.

    5.  Donate to a charity, church, fund, or some other organization that helps others in your loved ones name. Help someone else while helping yourself and memorializing your loved one. Volunteer someplace and help someone else in the memory of your loved one.

    6.  If you have a breavement group to attend, go. Share your feelings with those who have experienced what you have, people who know what you are going through. 

    7.  Try to focus and reflect on the reason for the holiday. For example, Christmas, a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus; Easter is a time to reflect on Christ sacrafice for all mankind; etc.

    8.  Don't follow the family traditions of making cookies, putting up a tree, lighting your house outside, or anything that you don't feel like doing. You are not at your normal energy level, emotionally you are drained which also drains you physically.

    9.  Connect with your spiritual self. Trust in God. Talk to God, pray to God, read God's word, go to worship services, and be honest. God is the one that understands.
    
    10.  Do what makes you feel better, do not let anyone tell you that it's time to move on. You are the only one who knows when that time is. This is not their journey, it is yours. EVeryone is different, some take longer than others to move forward. You never get over a loss, you only learn how to survive it.

Another consideration is medication. While it is better to handle issues without medication, sometimes we need to rely upon a mood enhancer or stress reducer to help us get through these holidays. There is nothing wrong with that, but just be sure that you don't allow yourself to become dependent on them. At some point you must learn to handle your emotions without medication. 

It will get easier and you will get through this. It may seem like your world has ended and you are stuck in the darkness, but light will one day shine again. Each holiday season will get easier. It will never be the same and you shouldn't expect it to be. Later, you will establish new traditions while still remembering your lost beloved. Don't rush, take your time.

Next week, I am discussing what to do if you are the friend or family member of someone who has had a loss of a child, spouse, or other loved one. How do you help them? What to say or not say. How can you be supportive when you have no idea how your friend or family member feels?

XOXO

December.....the end of another year, a time for reflection on the past twelve months, a month of shopping, eating and dieting challenges, and celebrations. Most of us will be decking our halls with tinsel, holly, and a tree or two. Perhaps the outside of our homes will be bright with lights. Gifts will be wrapped and saved for that special time when the family comes together to open them. However, some of us will spend this holiday season alone or separated from our families.

If you are fortunate enough to have your family whole and near, rejoice! Celebrate and count your blessings. Family is the most important relationship on earth aside from our relationship to God. Whatever you do, don't take these moments for granted. Cherish them as there are many who are not able to be with their families due to military, law enforcement, hospital staf, or other service commitments; illness; death; and many other reasons.
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If you have lost a loved one and you are struggling to celebrate anything, let alone Christmas or the coming new year, I will be posting a blog for you next week. I hope that it will help those of you who are struggling to survive the holiday season after a loss. 

Need some facts about December? As always, here are some interesting things to ponder on:
    1.  On December 7, 1941, The United States Naval Base at Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japanese planes which killed more than 2,300 Americans.
    2.   On December 20, 1803, the Louisiana Purchase was completed.
    3.    December 27th is National Chocolate Day.
    4.    On December 3, 1967, the first heart transplant was completed.
    5.    On December 14, 1791, the Bill of Rights was passed.
    6.    National Read a New Book Month
    7.     December is the last month in the Gregorian calendar. Its name is based on the Latin term for ten.
    8.      In the Roman calendar, December was the tenth month until the addition of January and February at the beginning of the year.
    9.      December has the shortest daylight hours and marks the beginning of winter.
    10.    December provides the longest days in Southern Hemisphere, as it is the beginning of summer.
    11.    Charitable giving in December alone accounted for 19% of the total in 2015.

Charitable organizations with high ratings:

National Council on the Aging (NCOA)
https://www.charitywatch.org/ratingsandmetrics.php?charity_id=503

Meals on Wheels Association of America
https://www.charitywatch.org/ratingsandmetrics.php?charity_id=733

Breast Cancer Research Foundation
https://www.charitywatch.org/ratingsandmetrics.php?charity_id=117

Here's a cute little quote that just about sums up the month of December:

“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. 
December is here before its June. 
My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”
 – Dr. Seuss

Reflect upon the last twelve months, are you where you want to be? Have you accomplished your goals from January? Where do you want to be twelve months from today? Have  you started on your SMART goals for 2017? Do you celebrate any unusual holidays during the month of December?

XOXO