The time when your children take flight from the nest and you are left wondering what happened to the time, can be challenging. It's not just the physical changes, but the emotional ones as well. 
I try to end each month with some encouraging words, so hopefully, you can apply these to your empty nest and find the golden egg. ☺

Enjoy!

"Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back, and reasons to stay."
 - Dalai Lama -

"...I would have let him go one finger at a time, until, without his realizing, 
he'd be floating without me. 
And then I thought, perhaps that is what it means to be a parent
--to teach your child to live without you."     
- Nicole Krauss -

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."
- Winnie the Pooh -

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
- Dr. Seuss -

"Is it considered an enpty nest even though their crap is still in the basement?"
- unknown -

"People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard."
- Michelle Pfeiffer -

"I am just striving to  be more me than I have ever been."
  - Unknown -

Remember, every stage of life has it challenges and blessings. No stage of life is forever. Enjoy each stage as much as possible. Learn from each stage and realize that your best years are yet to come!

Are you an empty nester? Did you just recently turn 50? 60? 70? More? Have you recently lost a loved one or someone important to you? Are you recently retired or thinking about retirement? What ever your situation, remember it is only temporary and learn as much as you can from each step. Never let the fire in your life die out!

XOXO

(This is the final post in this series, however, there may be additional posts in the future. ☺)

Here is where we put all of Part 1 and Part 2 together. There are several components to deal with as an empty nester. All empty nesters go through these components, some handle them better than others. Hopefully, this series will help someone navigate through the ENS and come out on the other end stronger and better than ever!

Components:
1.    Quiet - the home is more quiet. No noise from children coming and going. Absent of your children and creating a deafening silence.
2.    Time - absent of the activities of your children, you have more free time. More time to miss them, more time to reminisce about years past, more time to feel sorry for yourself.
3.    Emotional Drain - loneliness, nostalgia, memories, emptiness. Remembering when the house was full and feeling the emptiness.
4.    Loss - the loss of purpose, the loss of identity, and feeling lost

Goals:
1.    Make your home - YOUR home. Redecorate or not, enjoy your home, enjoy your quiet home. Play your kind of music as loud or as low as you want. Wear clothes or go buff - it's your home now all to yourself. Get out the good china, good linens, everything you couldn't use when you had children home.
2.    Use the extra time - doing things YOU enjoy. Pampering yourself, traveling, meeting new people, sleeping late, staying up late, reading, entertaining, anything you feel like doing, you now have the time to do it.
3.    Turn your emotions - to self care. Living a new life doesn't mean you love your children less. It means you love yourself a little more now. Draw closer to your spouse. If you are single, turn emotions towards self love. If you are like most mothers, you have neglected yourself in favor of your children, your family. NO MORE! It's YOUR time.Dress the way you want not just in what's comfortable and easy. Develop your own personal style. Eat what you want - without  complaining children. You can enjoy whatever YOU want now. Do what you want - when you want. No more school schedules, sport schedules, homework - IT'S YOUR TIME!

As an empty nester you have two choices:
    *    You can give in to the negatives and waste your best years - yes, that's what I said - YOUR BEST YEARS! 
    or
    *    You can get busy and use your best years to create a fulfilling life that you actually want to live and make the most of - YOUR BEST YEARS!

Ask yourself: If not now? When?
Life has many stages. No one should stay in one stage forever. There would be no growth.

Consider this:
1.    What if you had never left home? 
    (You wouldn't have your own home now. You wouldn't have any privacy.)
2.    What if you never worked?
    (How would you support yourself? How could you be independent?)
3.    What if you never had children?
    (You made the choice to have children and it changed your life.)
4.    What if you still lived with your parents, never worked, never married, never went to school, never went to college, never moved on?
5.    IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR OWN CHILDREN? 
    (TO NEVER LEAVE, NEVER MARRY, NEVER GIVE YOU GRANDCHILDREN, NEVER BE     INDEPENDENT, NEVER HAVE THEIR OWN LIFE)

Now, get out there and create the most spectacular life and make your children proud of you!
Show them how to grow older happy and active! Set your life on fire and be the best you can be for the best years of your life!

(Now that I am retired and an empty nester, I am enjoying every minute of it. I get up when I want, go to bed when I want, eat when -where- and what I want, travel whenever I want,  and I have more money in my pocket to do so.
Do I miss my kids? Absolutely! But I would never want them to live with me forever. They each have a life to live and are doing so, and so do I.)

Did any of this post resonate with you? Are you an empty nester and still afraid to live your own life? If so, please let me know. Please share your experiences with ENS. If you have any tips or strategies that may help someone else.

XOXO

In Part 1, we discovered what ENS is, how to know if we have it, and what to do about it. In this week's blog, I want to discuss the emotional side of ENS. Depending on your situation your emotions can range from I'm proud of my children to my life is completely over.

First, let me tell you this, your life is not completely over. It's just changing.
Everything in life changes, nothing stays the same for long. Think about all the changes in your life up until now. You married the man you loved and thought you would always have the perfect marriage, then the first disagreement occurs. After that, things are never quite the same. They are just as good, but also different. You probably don't live in the same house that you lived in right after you married. You change your car every few years. You may have worn your hair long and flowing as a young childless newlywed and then cut it shorter with the arrival of your first child because the time it took to keep it up was vanishing, Everything changes.
There's a saying "if your not changing, your not doing anything".  Life changes, you change, your children change, everything changes. If you are not changing, you are static, standing still and this is not healthy.

How do you deal with change? Do you rock with it or fight it? Did you take joy in your children when they learned a new skill? How about when they learned to dress themselves? Were you happy for them? How about when they learned to walk, were potty trained, and learned to feed themselves? Were you proud or did you say, "No. I don't want them to learn this stuff?"  How did you feel when they left the house the first time in the car by themselves? Scared? Proud?

You should feel accomplished. You should feel that you have done your job well, when your children can leave home (as they should), make their own way (financially, physically, and emotionally), and can survive without you. Don't be sad, be proud. Your children are great adults and it's because of you.

I waited a long time for my children. We adopted because after years of infertility, we decided that if we wanted children, we would need to consider adoption. I stopped working at a very successful career to stay home and to homeschool my children. I was completely and totally involved in the lives of my children. I had waited a long time for them and thought I might not ever have a family.
If I can do this, you can do this.

Look at the accomplishments of your children and know you had a big part in their success.
Enjoy your occasional visit with your grown children. Offer advice when asked and listen intently always. They want a relationship with you, they don't want to be treated like children. Fight the urge to make unsolicited suggestions on their life or criticisms. They have to learn some things for themselves, even though you already know the outcome of some of their decisions, they must make those decisions and live with the results.
 
It's hard to think of this time of your life in this way but it is true, it is true - these are the best years of your life!
You are finally at that stage in life where you are finally not afraid to be you. The stress of keeping up with peers, setting the proper example for your children, or caring so much what others think is in the past. You know who you are, you have just forgotten, temporarily.
You must reconnect with that person you are and start living again.

Don't waste these years....I must stress this again, DO NOT WASTE THESE YEARS! You have been given a gift of a long life. It may not be perfect, but it is yours. Many people were not blessed to live to see this time of their lives, you are. No restrictions now, no rules (except laws, don't break any legal laws.....lol), and no chains. You can be you, you can enjoy the fruits of your labor, you can now be totally free.....
DO NOT WASTE THESE BLESSED YEARS!

"An empty nest doesn't mean an empty life,
only different." 
- Sheryl -

Do you have ENS? Do you unrealized dreams and goals that you can now focus on? Do you have hobbies you never had time for before? Do not waste these years, this is a warning, this is the best time of your life....enjoy them before they are gone, you won't get any more.
​
XOXO

The Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS) will strike all parents if they live long enough - it most suredly hit me and it hit me hard. In this post we are going to explore how to discover if you are suffering from ENS and how to deal with it. It can feel like your life went out the door with your children and you have become a zombie. You have more time, more money, and more opportunities (yes, opportunities), but it can feel empty. Until you recognize it for what it is, what it isn't, and take action to get your life back.

This is a blessed time in your life, you just have to realize it. It seems like your heart has a big hole in it and nothing can fill it. You may have trouble finding a purpose in life now. Your purpose has been raising responsible adults for years and now that's done. 

What is ENS?
It's the time after children have left home and parent(s) are at home alone.
It's a time with no responsibilities other yourself and you can do whatever you want.
It's a time to focus on yourself, finally.

 How do you know if you have it?
You still hide your best makeup or your good tools.
You are shocked when you notice you can push the buttons on the car radio and KNOW what station you will get.
You realize you only bought a half gallon of milk this week instead of the five gallons you normally do.
You find yourself driving around town trying to get a glimpse of your kids somewhere...yes, this happens.
You lay awake at night wondering about what your grown children are doing, why haven't they called in a few days, should you call them, should you track them down and stalk them.

So, now you know if you have ENS. If you don't have ENS, then you can skip this post. (☺ You are doing great!) If you do have ENS, you have some work to do. 

What to do about it?

Make a list of the things you like to do, but couldn't with kids around. (Mine was travel, work on a hobby, take a class, join quilt guild, watch an a grownup movie, etc.)

Get a jar and start a "Me" fund. Put spare change in the jar and save for a goal such as a trip to Las Vegas, a weekend in the mountains, a new and younger wardrobe, etc. (I did this and was pleasantly surprised at how many short vacations and trips it help fund.)

Start planning. Plan the trip you want to take, the quilt you want to make, the wardrobe you want to purchase, etc.

Get physically active! Just for you and your health. Go for a 20-30 minute walk every day, buy a bike and start riding, join a yoga club, join the YMCA, join a gym, take a dance class, etc. 

Call a friend or two and start a book club, a regular game night, a girls' night out, or some other get together. (No children so no babysitter needed)

The key is to get busy! Enjoy this time of your life.

Before children, most of us had lives. We filled our time with work, hobbies, friends, shopping, reading, etc., doing all the things that we forgot how to do during those years of parenting. You need to reconnect with yourself again, discover who you are and what you enjoy. This can be one of the most exciting times in your life if you will only go with it and not fight it. Fighting it will only create unrest, unhappiness, and depression. 

I am an empty nester and a recent retiree. For years, I homeschooled my two children, so I was especially close to them. When they left home for the final time, I was a bit lost. However, I was still working, so I poured myself into my work. Now that I am retired, I have found that I love being childless. I still miss my kids, but I love getting up when I want to, going to bed when I want to, sewing if I feel like it, painting when I want, jump in the car and go anywhere I want at any time I want, and having my friends over for game nights, cookouts, etc.

There is one time specifically that I remember that I was challenged by the ENS. Every year we went to the beach, the whole family. We went the same week of the year and stayed at the same condo every year. When the kids were with us we were always going somewhere or doing something. So the first year after the last one left home, we almost canceled our beach trip. I couldn't imagine the trip without the kids. Fortunately, we had paid in advance and would have lost our money had we canceled - so we went.
Let me tell you, it was the best trip ever....just me and my husband. It was the best week at the beach since we'd had children. We now go every year and enjoy it more and more every year. Long walks on the beach in the morning, during the day, and at night, whenever we want. Fishing all day and all night, whenever we want. Swim whenever the notion hits us. Even when I am alone, it's wonderful.
It wasn't all joy every day, I must be honest with you. For the first day, it felt awkward. No kids, what was I to do all day? I missed them, I did, I missed them a lot. But after I made myself go swimming in the pool alone, then made myself walk from the condo to the fishing pier where my husband was fishing, I realized how good this could be. I didn't have to worry about entertaining the kids, feeding the kids, disciplining the kids, running them around where they wanted to go...I only had to please myself...myself and my husband. Soon the awkwardness disappeared and joy appeared.
 
Consider this as you ponder the empty nest...would you really want your children to never move out, never be independent, and never be able take care of themselves? There are parents who have children with such physical and mental handicaps that the child will never be able to have their own life away from their parents. These parents would love for their child to be able to live and work independently, and come to visit when possible. To desire your children to be home with you after they are grown is selfish. Yes, we will miss them and the house will seem lonely at times, but it is our job to prepare them to live independent lives away from us.

If you find that you need to have children in your life to have the life you want, then get involved:
    1. Volunteer at a local school (tutoring, reading, mentoring, coaching, office help  etc.)
    2.  Volunteer at the hospital on the children's floor (reading, crafts, talking, etc.)
    3.  Volunteer at the library in the children's department (library aide, story time, etc.)
    4.  Start teaching a skill such as art or sewing to children (in your home, at a church, at a school, etc.)
    5.  Become a foster parent. (We were foster parents for a short time and it was rewarding to us and to the children that we later adopted.)
    6.  Find any way to be involved with children.
 
So get busy! Get involved. Fill your life with things you want and do things you want. Travel, read, write, sew, sleep late, stay up late, watch movies you want, live your life the way you want. NOW'S YOUR CHANCE!

Are you an empty nester? Are you living the life you want? Has this blog post helped you in anyway? How? Do you have any tips, ideas, thoughts, or suggestions that may help another empty nester? Please comment and share your thoughts.

XOXO