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Relationships: Opinions - Everybody has them, Nobody seems to want to hear them - Are they good to share?

6/5/2020

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Everybody has opinions. I don't mind hearing peoples opinions, as long as they don't mind hearing mine. We don't have to agree for me to listen to their opinions. If someone wants to share their opinion with me, but they don't want to hear mine, then we have a problem.

If someone wants to share their opinion with me, but they insist that their opinion is right and mine is wrong, then we have a problem.

​Otherwise, opinions are the way we learn about each other and the way we grow.

Sometimes, we over 50 adults, think that because we have lived longer, experienced more, and seen more that our opinions are the right ones. That may or may not be the case. We may be wrong.

Remember when you are discussing a topic with a younger person, to respect their right to their own opinion. If they are not respecting your opinion, try to set the example and encourage them to be more open minded without talking "down" to them. Everyone can learn something new or be wrong.

I found a few thoughts about opinions that I would like to share. Some of these thoughts are insightful, some are comical, and some are just down right good.

Read these thoughts and then in the comments, share what you think of these thoughts on opinions:

"Public opinion is no more than this:
what people think that other people think."
Alfred Austin,
English Poet and Novelist


"There are as many opinions as there are people: each has his own view."

Terence, Roman Comic Playwright,
taken from Phormio - Act 11, scene 4


"Those who never retract their opinions love themselves more than
they love the truth."
Joseph Joubert,
French Moralist and Essayist


"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice."
Steve Jobs

"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."
Mark Twain

"Don't let your opinion sway your judgement."
Samuel Goldwyn

"The greatest deception which men incur proceeds from their opinions."
Leonardo Da Vinci

"Opinion has caused more troubles on this little earth than plagues or earthquakes."
Voltaire

"People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world
is also a confession of character."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remember, when you give someone your opinion, it is YOUR opinion, not theirs. They will have their own opinion and you should respect that.

Remember, that if their opinion is different than yours, it's okay. You don't have to agree. It's okay. In fact, it makes for interesting conversation as long as no one takes it serious or personal.

Remember, if you over 50, you know a lot and have experienced a lot, but that doesn't mean you know everything. Respect the opinions of younger individuals even when you don't agree. There is a slight chance you could be wrong and even if your right...you don't want to lose that person.

Have you ever shared an opinion only to be met with rudeness? Have you ever heard a young person's (or older person) opinion on something and you know without a shadow of a doubt they are wrong? How did you handle that? Please share any comments, stories, or experiences you have had when exchanging opinions. It can help the rest of us.

XOXO
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Relationships: Love after age 50 - Real or Virtual Love – What do you want?

2/16/2018

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In today's world, romance can take many different roads.

There is the traditional road where you meet someone, begin to talk, start to date, then either break it off, remain friends, or take it to the next romantic level.

Then there is the virtual romance, where you begin to chat and then talk on phone, then video chat on FaceBook, FaceTime, Google Hangouts, Skype or another video program, and then you must decide whether to meet in real life, stay virtually romantic, break it off, or just be friends.

There are many levels and options between these two polar ends of the relationship spectrum.


If you an over 50 person, it can be hard to meet someone as a companion or as a romantic interest. Often we are limited as to places to go to meet others like us or do not have the computer skills to venture into the online romantic arena. There are lots of things to consider before entering any of these relationship roads.

Here are few things to think about and I am assuming that you are either single, divorced or widowed, in other words - eligible and available:

1. First thing to consider is what do you need at this point in your life?
Are you looking for a traveling companion, a friend, a lover, a possible future spouse, someone to chat with from time to time, or some kind of combination? What need you trying to fill with this person? There are many many reasons people look for another person. Loneliness ranks among the highest in reasons. Are you just lonely and what type of loneliness are you trying to satisfy?

2. The next thing to consider is do you want a physical companion or is a virtual companion good enough?
If you want someone to take you to dinner, then you want an actual physical person. If you want someone to talk or chat with now and then, a virtual companion would be good enough. If you are seeking romance, either way can be made to work.

3. What kind of person are you looking for?
What criteria do you have?
Older than you, younger than you, or the same age as you?
Male? Female?
A professional, a farmer, retired, etc.
A single parent, childless?
A Christian, Catholic, Jewish,
etc.

A smoker? Non-smoker?
Drinks alcohol? Does not drink alcohol?

4. Then, how do you find this person? What is available to you to provide a companion to fill your type of loneliness or companionship?

a. There are dating services that put actual physical people together. They match interests and other factors to help make good matches. Dates are organized to introduce each to the other and then if it works, you are on your own.

Some dating services are:
It's Just Lunch;
Match.com;
FarmersOnly.com;
eHarmony.com;
zoosk.com;
ChristianMingle.com;
OurTime.com;
SeniorPeopleMeet.com;
EliteSingles.com.

b. There are places to go to meet companions on your own, such as churches, bowling alleys, walking parks, dance groups, book clubs, continuing education classes at community colleges, travel clubs, any place where people go.

c. Online there are tons of options for a virtual companion. A real person, but one that you only see online or talk/chat with online. No physical contact, until you purposefully arrange for it.
Some online options are:
Facebook;
LinkedIN;
Instagram;
And all of the options
in a. above.


There are rules to online dating services and some security concerns. I have known several couples who met online and are now happily married. When they first met, they met in public places and with caution. You never know who you will meet online and then when you meet them in person, sometimes they are what you expect and sometimes they are not.

In today's world it can be hard to meet new people who are in your age range or have similar values. Bars and dance halls are not good places to meet people. While it is possible to meet a nice person there, the odds are against you. You are better off going to places where you have a higher likelihood of meeting people of similar interests, values, and beliefs. Using an online dating service or meeting in a class where you have an interest is much better.

Whatever you do, don't be afraid to try, but be safe.

Have you started a romance after the age of 50? How did you meet this person? What tips or ideas do you have that might help someone else? If you are alone by choice, why? Romantic relationships are not for everyone and not just for the young. If you have decided to not pursue a romantic relationship later in life, please share your thoughts. Any comments might help someone else who is struggling with whether to start a romantic relationship or not.

XOXO
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Relationships: Suddenly single over 50 - to remarry or not? That is the question.

8/18/2017

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Many people live long and happy lives together with their spouse. We read stories where a couple in their 80's die holding each other or one passes and a few hours or days later, the other passes. These are beautiful stories of lasting love. Unfortunately, it doesn't always happen this way.
Many times, one spouse will pass leaving the other one alone for many more years. The one left has many choices to make and decisions that could change everything they are accustom to.

Some choices or decisions are:

Do I remain single?
Do I remarry?
Who do I marry?
Do I look for a spouse in my church?
Do I look for companionship versus marriage
Do I look for companionship online?
Am I happier single or with someone?
What about a past love?
How will my family respond to my decisions?
Am I better of financially alone or with someone?
Do I really need another person in my life?
And many, many more decisions, choices, and points to consider?

There are many reasons people choose to remain single (widowed). Some are good reasons, others are based on fear. Let's examine some of those reasons.

Some reasons to remain single (widowed or divorced):

(Whether they are good or based on fear is your decision.)
You are also ill and perhaps dying. You don't want to be a burden to someone else.
You enjoy your independence and don't want to be accountable to someone again.
You have plans and another person would prevent you from meeting your goals.
You are involved with other people and you don't have time to devote to a spouse.
You just want to play the field and not be tied to one person.

Some reasons to remarry or seek another companion:
(Whether they are good or based on fear is your decision.)
You love spending time with someone doing things you love.
You want/need affection and long for a human connection.
You are just lonely and need a close, special companion and you hate sleeping alone.
You need emotional support for the remainder of your life.


The future is always unpredictable. No one knows what is ahead of anyone. The key is to be happy and content with what you have and where you are in life.

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned
in whatever state I am, to be content:"

Philippians 4:11 New King James Version (NKJV)

Contentment with our life and the current situation we may find ourselves in does not come naturally. It is a choice we make. The apostle, Paul, the writer of the above verse, stated "for I have learned". He had to learn to be content with his situation. Contentment is a decision we make.

So what does it mean to be content?
Here is my definition:


"Confidence in God leads us to a contented life filled with joy, love, peace,
and a celebration of the life we have."

- Sheryl, 2017 -

Whether you choose to remarry or remain single, in order to be happy, you need to be positive and content with your life. Having the knowledge that you are never alone because God is always with you, will relieve the pressure to remarry just to fill a void. Never rush to make a decision to marry (or not) based on fear of the future.

Humans were not made to be isolated and lonely. By nature we are drawn to other people. We need interaction with members of both sexes. Those interactions can come from a number of places besides marriage.

You are the only one who can decide what you want during the remainder of your life. Whatever your decision, don't let peer pressure or experts or anyone tell you what you need or what you should do. Don't let fear make this important decision for you either. Be brave, think it through, make the decision. It is your life, your decision, your future.

Do you live alone? Are you content to live alone? Do you want to remarry or be in another committed relationship with another person? Share any experiences you have had that may help others.
​

XOXO
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Relationships:  Men who prefer older women! Yes, there are some out there.

2/17/2017

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​More on love in the month of February!

Everyone hears about the older man who leaves his older wife for a younger woman. It happens. Some men choose younger women for a number of reasons. Of course, the main reason is that the man is most likely feeling old and when a younger woman shows him any attention, it stirs unrest and he begins his venture to find his lost youth.

However, that is not always the case. There is a little talked about phenomenon about younger men and older women. There is a growing group of younger men who prefer older women, but we seldom hear about them. They are out there and you may be surprised at who they are.

"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. 
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson -


I have experienced this myself
(one that I will share....lol).
 I was 49 years old and one of my daughter's 19 year old male friends showed a subtle interest in me. I assumed he was friendly to me because of my daughter. The realization of what was going on occurred during a bowling tournament in which my daughter was competing. Afterwards, she and a couple of her team members continued to bowl for fun. I ventured to the pool table to watch the games. This young man (who was very tall and looked older than 19) was playing pool. During the game, he would come over and get a drink of his soft drink that was on the shelf next to me. He kept coming to drink more often and when he did, he would comment about how nice I looked or ask me if I played pool, and other small talk. When the game was over I walked away, but I walked within a foot of him in order to leave the crowded pool area. He touched my arm and leaned over to say "no one would have to know". I looked at him and then I realized what he was saying. My response was "I would, so no." 
This young man was a nice person, he was not trying to be disrespectful. He was making an attempt to approach me as an adult, but he failed. He was too young. He and my daughter remained bowling friends and nothing was ever said. He never approached me again. This story is only to illustrate my point that some young men are attracted to older women for a number of reasons.

Overheard: I like the idea of OLDER WOMEN and YOUNGER MEN 
- it tends to UPSET all the RIGHT PEOPLE.


According to an AARP survey of 3,500 older singles, 34 percent of women in the 40-to-69 age group date younger men and 14 percent of women age 50 to 59 say they prefer dating men in their 40s or younger. (Dating and Romance: A Study of Midlife Singles, AARP Magazine, September 2003, http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/singles.pdf)

Elite for Singles conducted a study of over 450,000 online daters and found that men, ages 20 to 29, prefer to date older women. The study also found that the average length of an older woman/younger man relationship lasted two years. (https://www.elitesingles.com/mag/relationship-advice/older-women-dating-younger-men) 

Why? Why are younger men attracted to older women? Why are older women attracted to younger men?
Think on these:


1.  The older woman has most likely already filled her need for a family and the traditional "nest" making. She is ready to regain some of her lost youth. A younger man is most likely not looking to start a family or traditional marriage. He can benefit from the relationship by learning about life and love emotionally, mentally, and physically from the older woman.

2.  Many of the younger men grew up after the feminist movement and are less sexist than their fathers. The also tend to be less interested in money and status. An older woman has more confidence and has already accomplished a lot, therefore the relationship takes priority instead of the career.

3.  Sam Owen, EliteSingles Partner psychologist, believes "young men nowadays probably also recognize that older women are adept at diligently juggling so many responsibilities (career, children, housekeeping, fitness, finances, socializing), which makes them intriguing and attractive and a more secure option."


The younger man and older woman scenario is played in real life over and over again. It just doesn't get the attention that an older man with a a younger woman is given. One example of a "successful" younger man/older woman relationship is country musician/singer, Randy Travis (57) who married his manger-wife, Elizabeth Hatcher-Travis (75), in 1991. They were married for 19 years. He was 32 and she was 59 when they married. Another example: Demi Moore was 33 years old and Ashton Kutcher was 27 when they married in 2005. Their marriage lasted 8 years.

The studies show that women are more appreciated and valued as they age now more than in the past. It's not that younger women are inferior, but older women are still valuable. 

"Older women know who they are, 
and that makes them more beautiful than younger ones.
 I like to see a face with some character. 
I want to see lines. I want to see wrinkles."


- Naveen Andrews, British Actor -
("Lost", "The English Patient", 
"Rollerball" remake of 2002,
and many other films)


If in old age you find yourself single again, whether by divorce or death, do not despair. The world is changing. Growing old is not what it used to be.

Age is more than just a number,
it is an attitude!


What is your attitude about growing older? Have you ever been approached by a younger man who was interested in dating you? Would you ever consider a younger man? If you are a man, would you ever consider an older woman as a date? What are your thoughts on this trend of older women and younger men dating and marrying?

XOXO
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    My mission​

    Sharing thoughts and ideas for the woman over 50 that are helpful, fun, creative, inspiring and interesting. Over 50s who want to remain relevant, happy and loving their life.
    On fire for your own life!
    ❤ Sheryl ❤

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