Years of raising children and losing contact with each other on a personal level. Raising children can be stressful at times. Busy schedules created by children's activities can cause stress. Discipline issues create problems when parents can't agree on the discipline choice. These can cause communication issues between parents if they are not dealt with properly. Both parents need to be considerate of each other and work as a team. After the children are raised, you may find that you have lost communication with your partner and have nothing to talk about. Fix this! Fix this fast. If you can prevent it from happening to begin with - that is the best solution.
Undiscussed health issues, one partner or the other doesn't feel well or has heart issues, high blood pressure, etc., and they haven't talked about it with the other partner. If either one of you don't feel well or you have lost your desire for sex, don't ignore it. Discuss it with your partner and if needed, discuss with a healthcare professional. Most issues can be resolved easily. There is no need to suffer when there is help available.
Open wounds to the relationship caused by one or both partners. This could be something as small as an unresolved argument or as serious as an affair. It can include insulting, picking at a flaw, looking at other people, flirting with other people, or a general lack of respect in actions or words towards the other partner. Men and women alike, need to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, and valued by the one they love. If you or your partner is giving your attention to a third party, even if it's just a passerby, it can damage your relationship. Your attention should be on your partner, not another person, not ever - even when you are alone. If your focus is on your partner, you will find that you both will be happier with each other.
Lack of time for sex and related activities: Plan special dates - Lunch dates, dinner dates, movie dates, shopping dates, going for specialty coffee, a walk in the park to talk, staying awake and talking in bed right before drifting off to sleep, or anything that allows for intimate conversation. You must make time for sex, but you must also make time to talk to your partner if you want the sex to be good.
Start foreplay long before your intimate time. Flirt with your partner throughout the day, give compliments (truthful compliments), just keep in touch throughout the day letting your partner know you are thinking of them. Anything you can do that let's your partner feel valued, loved, desired, and wanted will count as foreplay.
Sex takes place in the brain first then the body responds. If there is anything that is an issue between you and your partner whether physically, emotionally, or mentally, it will stand in your way of a loving relationship with lovely intimate moments including great sex.
The key is COMMUNICATION!
Talk, talk, talk, but be positive, be loving, be respectful, be helpful, be understanding, don't be selfish or self serving. Always think of your partner first and you will not regret it.
In past blogs under the "Sex After 50"category, I have dealt with various issues related to some of the items listed above. I suggest you go back and read those blogs, as well, if you are feeling unfulfilled sexually in your marriage or relationship.
I hope this helps anyone who is struggling with sex after the age of 50. If we don't address the issues that prevent good sexual health, they will get worse and you will miss out on all the health benefits that sex provides.
(NOTE: I am not a therapist, doctor, or an expert on sex, relationships, etc. I do research and I learn from discussions from others, and my own experiences.)
What do you think is the biggest determent to good sex for adults over the age of 50? Do you have any issues that were not discussed in this blog? Do you have any ideas or suggestions that were not discussed in this blog or in my past Sex After 50 blogs? Please open a conversation so that we can learn from each other.