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SPECIAL: The Loss of a Spouse - Where I have been - I am back!

7/21/2021

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Some of you may have wondered where I have been for the last ten months.

I have been in a nightmare. When you have been with someone as long as I had been with my husband and then suddenly an average day turns into a final day for one of you, it's a nightmare.

Over the last months I have learned a lot about life and death.

Fortunately, through my studies of losing a loved one through death that I have written about in my blog over the years, I was better prepared than most people are.

However, when it actually happens, you will experience, as I did, feelings that are common to all who have lost a loved one.

The feeling of surrealism... did this really happen? The feeling of I want them back ... the realization that they are never coming back. The feeling of being lost with no future ... what do I do now? What is going to happen to me? And the most common feeling "How am I going to live without this person in my life?" .... I can't, I don't want to, this isn't fair.

I know of several people (mostly women) who lost their spouses anywhere from a couple of years ago to many years ago, who are stuck in one level of grief. They can't seem to get on with living.

The longer we spend in the early grief process, the harder it is to get on with living because we are comfortable and have become used to those feelings. The thought of going on with their lives while their loved ones are gone, seems like a betrayal of the spirit of their deceased spouse.

We need time to process the event of our loved ones death. We also need time to come to the reality of what our lives are now. But to stay in that time for several years is neither healthy nor is it what our loved ones would want for us.

Over the next few months, I am going to share with you some of the feelings I have felt, experiences I have had, and other aspects of losing a spouse.

But before I close this week's blog I want to leave you with something that helped me tremendously, once I was able to really grasp it's meaning and believe it:
If things were reversed and I was the one who died and my husband was the one left alone,
what would I want for him?
What would I tell him if I had just a minute more with him now?


I would tell him,
I love you still but... I want you to...

LIVE YOUR LIFE!

ENJOY THE TIME YOU HAVE LEFT!

LOOK FOR THE DAY WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN
AND YOU CAN SHARE ALL THOSE WONDERFUL STORIES WITH ME
OF WHAT YOU DID AFTER I LEFT YOU!

DO NOT WASTE YOUR LIFE - MAKE ME PROUD TO SAY YOU ARE MY HUSBAND!
​
AND ABOVE ALL, TRUST AND LOVE GOD!

That's what I would want for him, so I know he would want the same for me. That is what I am going to do. I am going to make him proud to say, "that's my wife, the one who is doing all those wonderful things and who loves God. I can't wait to see her again and hear all about it."

I would not want him sitting around doing nothing or crying all day and night.

I would not want him to waste the time he has left.

I would not him to give up. That is not what God would want either.

It is hard, but we can do it with the help of our creator and with the love we have for the one we have lost.

Stay tuned for more to come about my experience in a living nightmare... and of life on the other side of it.

I pray that my words help someone who is going through something similar.

XOXO
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UPDATE: i have not left you. I had a personal tragedy

10/24/2020

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If you noticed that I haven't posted any new blogs in the last six weeks, there is a reason. ​

I want to let you know what is happening in my life and ask for your prayers, thoughts, and well wishes.

Six weeks ago a trip to the cardiologist resulted in the death of my dear sweet husband. We have been together for a very long time. He was my best friend.

I will return in a few weeks, maybe sooner if possible to share my experiences with this type of death. I want to share what I have and will continue to learn.

Please stay with me and know that I appreciate everyone of you who have been faithful readers, commenters, and emailers.

Tragedy will happen to all of us, if we live long enough. We can survive, even if  your heart is broken in a million pieces, as mine is. My heart will mend but there will always be a scar left by this tragedy.

God bless you all
and
I thank you in advance
for your
prayers and thoughts.

​XOXO
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Life: Personal Struggles in the Last couple of Weeks - Yes, it happens to me, too.

9/4/2020

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If you read my blog on a regular basis you know that I stress keeping a positive attitude and taking positive steps to stay healthy physically and mentally.

While I write about issues like this for the benefit of my readers, I need it, as well. In other words, I truly do practice what I preach and I truly do go through the same things everyone else does. The difference is, I know better.... others may not. Where I know what to do and fail, others may not have a clue and be totally lost. That is why I write this blog, to help others figure this thing called "aging" out while also helping myself.


For a while now I have dealt with some personal issues involving members of my family. No, not Covid related issues, more of attitude issues, lock down breakdown issues, and issues that all families face at one time or another. The details may be different, but the issues are basically always alike.


It started out a few weeks ago with a simple concern over health issues during Covid. Keeping everyone safe, even my grown children. Concerns for their safety during the initial outbreak of this virus became all to common, even though there was nothing I could do except ask questions and offer suggestions. If you're a parent you know how well those two things go over with grown children. Not all that well.


Then there were other little things, but consistent things. Things like my washing machine malfunctioned and over flowed, my hot water tank went out, my big freezer full of beef was failing, my car quit on me one evening and I waited 3 and 1/2 hours for a tow truck in a dark parking lot ... and no matter what I did - I still gained weight (the Covid 15). Then there was the conflicts among my family members that were mostly petty, but were still issues.


During this time, the new owners came to take my horses to their new home. I miss them so much, but I never rode them anymore and my time with them was getting less and less. They deserve people who can give them what they need. Horses are social creatures.


I took a couple of weeks off to collect my thoughts, regroup, and charge ahead once again. During this time, I still tried to walk my 2-4 miles a day and learn something new every day. It helped, but I still felt overwhelmed.


This blog confession is to alert you to the fact that no matter how hard you try and how much effort you put into living a life “on fire”, sometimes you have to take a step back and start again. It happens to all of us.


The lesson here is this:
Do not let a temporary set back
become a permanent one.
Everything is temporary.
Keep pushing forward.
Never, ever give up.


So, I am back at it with some fresh ideas. It was good for me to take a few days to regroup and reset. If you need it, take it...but after a few days, always come back...never stay there.


🙂
​

❌⭕❌⭕
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Life:  New Found Independence - alone with a purpose

8/14/2020

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There is a difference in being alone and being lonely. One is good, the other is sad. Being lonely means that you have no one, need someone, and feel in despair. Being alone, can be one of the best blessings about growing older - IF you use it wisely.

Time is something that has limits. We are only here on earth for a period of time and then we are gone. There is no way to avoid death - it will happen. Once you accept this fact your world will open up. It will open up if you don't dwell on the negative aspects and focus on the positive.

Once your children have left to make their own lives and we find ourselves living in an empty and quiet nest, we suddenly also find ourselves with the freedom to do whatever we want. 

No one is there making demands our time and all those dreams we once had when young can become reality.
Embrace this time in your life. Use it to your advantage. You can do so much with this new found freedom.
​
  • Finish that pile of books you intended to read, but never had the time.
  • Join a club and participate (Hiking, Games, Writing, Cooking, Church group, etc.)
  • Finish all those UFOs (Unfinished Objects) like a quilt, redecorating the empty bedrooms (maybe turn one into your personal space), plant that garden (food or flowers), etc.

You can do anything you want! 
Including sleep late,
stay up late,
watch the movies you want to watch,
listen to the music you want to listen to.......
it's your life.......
once again!

XOXO

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Encouragement: BELIEVE in  the promise of this day!

8/7/2020

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All I want to do with today's blog is remind of you of something I had forgotten, 
Everyday has new promises!
Everyday has new opportunities!
Everyday is a gift from God.
Look forward to this day.

Believe in the promise of this   day!

In today's world it is easy to be sucked in by all the negativity. I have been feeling it myself in the last few weeks.

Everything you love to do and you always had a wide open access to do them, are on hold. Our world is in a state of adjustment.

Hang in there, we will make it. It's rough, but we will be fine. Encourage someone who may overwhelmed in negativity.

XOXO
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Health and Wellness: Fitness Instructors that Care - No excuses during COVID Social Distancing!

7/31/2020

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In most states, the gyms are still not open, but that doesn't stop everyone. If there's a will, there's a way.

At my YMCA, I attended a number of classes - mostly Zumba (and Cardio Dance). When the lock down was mandated, those classes stopped. Those classes were the one major thing I missed about the Y.

I could do exercises at home with YouTube videos and I could do my weights. I could also take long walks at several local parks and at a couple of malls (on rainy or extremely hot days) that opened up early for mall walkers.

When it came to Zumba, there are a lot of instructors online (mostly YouTube), but they were missing two important ingredients..... my favorite instructors and my classmates.

Very early on, my favorite teacher, Dawn DeWitt, and her daughter, Raven Puentes, offered Zumba via Zoom.
Zoom offered us the opportunity to follow her leadership and also to interact with each other - the teacher and my classmates. We could all see each other and it was "almost" like being there, sort of. Definitely better than not seeing anyone ever.

 I love Dawn's teaching technique and she really cares about her students,
always offering encouragement right when you need it. It was motivating.

The point is this, there are teachers who care and those who are just in it for the money and the personal workout. If you look around you will find a caring teacher that will lead you even under the most undesirable circumstances.
If you have such a teacher, show your appreciation. Let them know you appreciate the extra effort they put into reaching out to you.

If you are looking for online classes and you don't know where to start, here are some links that are available anywhere you have internet, no gym memberships required, all free:

ZUMBA

Zumba Dance Workout for Beginners Step by Step/ Best Dance for Weight Loss: https://youtu.be/sdoNOB6w1fY

WE LOVE DANCE - 80s Warm Up (Mix by DJ Baddmixx) This instructor is gentle and I like her level of speed and steps: https://youtu.be/Xewf0Ecyrfs

Dura - Daddy Yankee / ZUMBA with Claudio Lopez Utreras - Claudio is one of my favorite online teachers: https://youtu.be/DuVcNbSykv4

WORKOUTS

Standing Exercises for Older Adults - Using a chair, too: https://youtu.be/mQLzNf8VOIc

Standing Pilates for Seniors- 30 minutes of exercise to Improve Strength & Build Confidence: https://youtu.be/i3PYS_jsA1c

Over 60 and self-quarantined? Do these 5 exercises DAILY - taught by a physical therapist: https://youtu.be/yQ0G5x5hI28


There are videos for walking online,
but really all you need to do is just "walk".

Walk around your house inside or out. Walk your neighborhood, go to a walking park, go to any park, go to indoor malls that open early for mall walkers (I love this, because it's climate controlled and safe).

The important thing is just walk. Start with a goal that you can reach.

If that's 2000 steps, then get 2000 steps a day. My base goal is 6000 steps a day, my daily goal is 10,000 steps a day, and my ultimate goal is 15-20,000 steps a day.

I usually always make my basic goal of 6000. At least 2-3 times a week I make my daily goal of 10,000 steps, and about 2-3 times a month I make my ultimate goal of 15-20,000 steps.

I have a goal to walk,
to move

EVERY SINGLE DAY
NO MATTER WHAT!
ALWAYS!


Don't use the COVID Lock down or Stay In Place mandate stop you from staying active. It's vital to your health, both physical and mental.

Please share how you are staying active and what you are doing for your health during this weird time in our life. What do you do to keep moving physically and mentally?

XOXO
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Book Review: What are you reading this summer? My recommendations.

7/17/2020

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Over the last year, I have read a lot of books. Some of them were good, some were okay, and some were not that good. I read a variety of books, fiction and non-fiction. I hope that you are reading a lot during this lock down.

Reading does a lot of good things for our brains and our health. It keeps our brains sharp and capable of recognizing common words, phrases, and ideas. It gives our minds a chance to imagine people, places, things, and events that we have never actually seen or experienced. I relate to some books as taking a vacation when I read them. My mind takes me away from reality and places me a fantasy world for the time I am reading.

I would love for you to comment about what you are reading and if you want to recommend a book, I would love to learn that also.

Please take a moment to leave your book comments and/or recommendations in the comments either here on the blog or on the On Fire Facebook page. Thanks!
​
Here is a short list of some I read and found good to be good in random order. No matter what your interests are or your needs, you will find that one of these books will fill the order. Enjoy!:
​
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If He's So Great, Why Do I feel So Bad? by Avery Neal - I wrote a blog book review on this book, I recommended it for every woman, no matter what age, read it. It was an eye opener for me and I am over fifty years old. The games people play with our hearts is sometimes subtle, but always cruel.
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Muscle and a Shovel by Michael Shank - A true story about a young couple who while relocating to a city to pursue their dreams, meet a man who turns their spiritual beliefs upside-down. This book has changed many many lives for the better. It will touch your soul.

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Choice Theory by William Glasser, M.D. - A new psychology of personal freedom. This book is another recommendation for anyone who wants to live the life you want while not losing people you love and need. It's common sense that is not all that common.
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Ashes of Her Love by Pierre Alex Jeanty - A book about recovering from a romantic breakup (marriage, dating, etc.), written in prose. Each page is dedicated to a unique feeling or situation. This book is written in a format similar to prose and it was beautifully done.
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Behold a Pale Horse by William Cooper – Cooper is a former US Naval Intelligence Briefing Team Member and he reveals (with documentation) information that will either chill you to the bone or raise your interest to the highest level possible. No subject is off limits if he can find documentation. Nothing.

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The Basement Quilt by Ann Hazelwood - This was her first book of fiction and it is part of a series. You will meet some wonderful characters that you will most likely find one that you identify with and will want to read more about. Ann carries these characters throughout her series while also introducing other interesting characters. The stories are a mixture of love, mystery, life and it's changes, and of course, quilting. Quilts play a main role in each of her books in this series. A real vacation book that left me feeling good.
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Sleeping Beauties by Stephen King - The wild and crazy imagination of Stephen King is turned loose in this odd story about many many women suddenly falling to sleep with no real reason or seemingly connection to one another. It will leave you asking what did I just read? Love Stephen King.
These are the books I am planning to read this summer:
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There is a River by Thomas Sugrue – This is the true story of Edgar Cayce. Whether you agree or believe or not, this book will give you much food for thought on what you believe and what you think you believe.
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​Doctor Sleep by Stephen King - Should be another good read as it is the sequel to The Shining. The New York Times says “[A] Vivid Frightscape”. Hope so.
If I get through those 2 books before the end of summer, I will start one of these and hopefully I will finish the following before the end of September 🙂:
​

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Healing Secrets of the Native Americans by Porter Shimer - A book full of medicinal wisdom used by Native Americans. It is full of useful information about many ailments.
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​To Scotland with Love by Patience Griffin – A romance about choices set in the beautiful Scottish seaside town of Gandiegow.
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The Quilter's Daughter by Wanda E. Brunstetter – Volume 2 in the Daughters of Lancaster County. A young Amish woman faces tragedy and doubts her faith. She becomes reluctant
​to love – again.
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​America, A Narrative History by George Brown Tindall and David E. Shi – first printing 1984. Written BEFORE our history was revised. 🙂
Reading is a great way to keep your mind healthy. Following a plot line or learning new self help techniques and all the other things we get from reading help our brain retain and build new connections that keep it young and healthy.

There are so many options for “reading” a book. Books can be downloaded on tablets, phones, or computers to be read like a hardcover book. You can also “read” an audio book. A recorded book can go anywhere with you. Your library is an excellent place to download books that are free. You can even request a book and they will try to get it for you. You can also borrow a physical book from your library or purchase a book from any bookstore, online or brick and mortar.

Take some time this summer
(and during the COVID stay in place life)
to read a book.
It won't hurt you and
it will only help you.


Please share your interesting (or not interesting) reads so far this year. Share any recommendations you have, I am always looking for a new book. I get a lot of suggestions from others. Read, read, read!

​XOXO 
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Money Over 50: Cutting the Cable TV cord - Can you? Should you?

7/10/2020

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A lot of us over 50 folks are retired and being retired means that most likely your income is fixed, less than before your retired, or both.

If you are most people, you are always looking for ways to cut living expenses. Entertainment is one of those areas where it is sometimes easy to cut expenses without cutting enjoyment.

Several months ago, my son gave me a television antenna. It's a thin bar that attaches to the wall.  It brings in all the local channels and a whole lot  of others, about 29 total. If you add that to the ROKU channels I get, that's a lot of viewing options. 

After a couple of weeks, I turned in my Direct TV boxes and cut the cord. It saves me over $120 a month just in television programming. 

There are other ways to cut the cable TV cord and get good entertainment. Here are a few ideas:

Netflix is under $14 a month and you have more movies, documentaries, cartoons, and tv than you will ever be able to watch. For details: www.netflix.com

Amazon Prime not only gives you perks on shipping, but also unlimited movies, TV shows , documentaries, cartoons, etc. You have options to purchase or rent more entertainment. Cost ranges from $8.99 per month for Videos to $12.99 per month for videos plus other perks. For details: www.amazon.com/prime

Hulu offers all kinds of options, movies, tv, cartoons, many other choices. They offer four levels of membership: $5.99 per month for Basic Service; $11.99 per month for Premium Service; $54.99 per month for Basic plus Live TV; $60.99 per month for Premium plus Live TV. For details: www.hulu.com

YouTube offers lots of choices also. Really good old movies, biographies, short videos on every subject on the earth. I find that I watch YouTube on my big screen TV more than any other channel. You can subscribe for 70 channels and pay $49.99 per month for all programming, but I don't. I just watch the free stuff for now and there's plenty of those.  For details: www.tv.youtube.com

Sling TV – not really familiar with this channel but here's what I found online. While there are free movies and TV available, they have three tiers of membership: $30 per month for Sling Orange or Sling Blue, and then for $45 per month Sling Orange and Blue Combined. For details go to: www.sling.com

Just a note on ROKU. Roku streams from your internet, but it's free. Some of the channels that stream from ROKU charge a monthly fee, but a lot are free. Some will offer a ton of movies or TV programming ( one day delay) for free as well as, more offerings for a monthly fee. I just watch the free stuff and it is awesome. Most TV come with ROKU preloaded now, but if you have a TV without it loaded you can by a ROKU box fairly cheap. It's easy to install and works great.

There are other options like ATT TV, Apple TV, etc., but I have no experience with those and I have more TV than I can watch now anyway. 

Hope this helps someone save some money and gives you ideas. I wish I had dropped my cable and satellite programming a lot sooner, but fear will stop you in your tracks.

Does anyone have anything to add to this blog? Do you have any other suggestions? Do you have experience with any of these offerings or ones not mentioned? Please share so that we can save a fellow On Fire 50 some money!

XOXO
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SPECIAL: The 4th of July - The United States - Our Great Nation

7/3/2020

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Tomorrow is the celebration of our great country's independence. It is one that has always been a day of cookouts with friends and family, concerts, picnics, boat rides, skiing, and fireworks. Some people would take vacations and visit our national monuments and historic battlegrounds. It was a time for all Americans, no matter of your origin or skin color, to celebrate the blessings of this country.

Is this country perfect? No.
Name one country, if you can, that is perfect. Every country has it's own issues to deal with. Some handle their issues better than others, some never handle the issues at all. Most issues can not be "fixed" overnight. Many issues take time to fix. Time not only to implement the change, laws, or leadership needed to fix the issue, but also time for the people to adapt and accept the remedy. The later is the most difficult. But one thing for sure, rioting and looting do nothing to speed the process along. 

Tomorrow, when you seek ways to celebrate without risking Covid-19 exposure, remember to pray. Remember to pray for our great nation and the people (all people) who live in this great nation. We have always needed prayer, but especially now.

Try to  remember:

God is still in control and 
everything "will work for the good 
to them that love the Lord 
and are called according
to His purpose." 
- Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

Remember, that:

 God "desires all men
to be saved 
and to come to the
knowledge of the truth." 
-1 Timothy 2:4

(Notice, the Bible says "all". It doesn't matter to God what color your skin is. He's sees our spirit and soul, not skin color and loves us all and wants all of us to be saved.)

Celebrate the blessing in
living in one of the
​greatest nations on earth!
Happy 4th of July!

XOXO
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Health and Wellness: It's Your Choice! Old? Or Older?

6/26/2020

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Old vs Older - that's a play on words, but there is a difference. 
Let me tell why I choose older, rather than old.

Everyone is growing older, but not everyone grows old. From the moment you are born you are growing older everyday. After you pass certain milestones in your life you either gain skills, privileges and health or you lose skills, privileges, and good health.

For example, at age 11 to 13, you reach puberty and gain certain privileges as well as unique changes to your body. At the age of 16, you are eligible to drive a motorized vehicle. When you turn 18, you can join the military and vote, you can also marry (if you choose) with no one's approval. At 21, you are considered an adult and all that goes with adulthood.

When you turn certain ages after age 21, a lot depends on your health and what you have done to take care of your body. Youth is forgiving, adulthood not so much. However, once you cross over into your 50's it is vital that if you have not taken care of your body (and mind) that you do so now and don't stop.

It can make the difference in living a full active life of independence until your nineties or spending your remaining years bent over, taking medications, and possibly living in a facility that provides everyday care for you. Which one do you want?

A few days ago I found this meme.
(Yes, whoever created this meme used the word "woman" instead of "women", but you still get the idea.)

The lady on the left is "older", the lady on the right is "old".
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This meme represents your options. This applies to men as well.
If you don't take care of yourself with a healthy diet, daily exercise, and mental challenges, you will end up like the lady on the right. She is frail, slumped over, and requires a walker. Most likely she is not as happy as she could be.

If you do take care of your mind and body, you could end up like the lady on the left. Strong, straight, walking and maybe jogging, and able to think clearly.

 (The lady on the left is Ernestine Shepherd. She didn't start bodybuilding until she was 56 years old! She started because she was trying to encourage her sister who had developed health issues. After her sister passed away, she kept bodybuilding and according to the Guinness Book of World Records, became the oldest living body building competitor in the world.) 

The lesson I continually drive home in my blogs is that in order to remain independent in old age, you MUST take care of your body and mind. Staying active by walking everyday is a minimum! 

So, when it comes to being old or older, I choose older. Everyone gets older.... I refuse to get old. 

It's your choice! What will you choose? OLD or OLDER?

XOXO
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    My mission​

    Sharing thoughts and ideas for the woman over 50 that are helpful, fun, creative, inspiring and interesting. Over 50s who want to remain relevant, happy and loving their life.
    On fire for your own life!
    ❤ Sheryl ❤

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