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Grieving Losses: Thoughts On Loss - On Death - On Living

12/27/2019

I found this from Goodreads: (https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6941165.Christina_Rasmussen)

It is full of excellent information on how it feels to experience a death and how to survive a death.

“I have lived in the shadow of loss—the kind of loss that can paralyze you forever.

I have grieved like a professional mourner—in every waking moment, draining every ounce of my life force.

I died—without leaving my body.
But I came back, and now it’s your turn.

I have learned to remember my past—without living in it.

I am strong, electric, and alive, because I chose to dance, to laugh, to love, and to
live again.

I have learned that you can’t re-create the life you once had—you have to
reinvent a life for yourself.

And that reinvention is a gift, not a curse.

I believe your future self is a work of art and that science can help you create it. If you’re lost . . . if you’re gone . . . if you can barely absorb the words on this
page . . . I want you to hold this truth in your heart: when it’s your time to go, you won’t wish you had spent more time grieving; you’ll wish you had spent more time living.

That’s why I’m here. And why you are, too.
Let’s live like our lives depend on it.”

Christina Rasmussen, Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again
Christina Rasmussen

Website: https://christinarasmussen.com/
Genre: Self Help
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Christina Rasmussen is on a crusade to change the way we live after loss.

As the founder of The Life Reentry Institute an organization to help people create a pathway back to life after loss, Christina spends her time speaking, coaching, and helping thousands of people rebuild, reclaim, and relaunch their lives using the most powerful tool for personal reinvention: the human mind. Her personal story and fresh approach to life after loss has garnered international attention.

She writes for the Huffington Post, she's been featured as a Woman Working to Do Good in the White House Blog, and she was named the Leading Mom in Business by StartupNation.

Hope this helps someone who is grieving a loss during this holiday season.
My prayer is for God to send his comforting spirit to your heart.

Enjoy this holiday season with your friends and family while you still can. Nothing is promised to us, least of all the amount of time we have on earth. Don't worry what others may say about you:
It's your life, given to you by God.
Live it the way YOU choose.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

XOXO

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Grieving Losses: 5 Reasons it is Important to Talk It Out when you are Grieving a Loss

12/20/2019

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When you have lost a loved one, it doesn't matter how long ago or how recent it was, you still hurt and you still miss that loved one. When it's recent, people come to your side and ask you what happened, how you are, and other questions. After the funeral or memorial, usually these people begin to disappear and you are left to grieve alone.

Does that mean it's time to move on? To stop talking about it? To put it in your past and forget about it? No! It means you need to find someone who will listen and will support you for the long run. It might be more than one person, it might be a therapist or minister, it might be that you need to join a grief support group. There are many types of support groups available. Some are person to person (physical), some are virtual (internet), and some are connected to another group (such as a church or community outreach).

What you don't want to do is keep everything in your head or bottled up. Even with all the groups in existence, if you can't find one that you feel comfortable with, try journaling. Get a beautiful bound journal and write down everyday what you are feeling. Make it a ritual. Empty your head of all the thoughts of the day. Writing it down often helps us to see the feelings we are harboring and to put some order in them. It may also help to unclutter our minds so that we can think more clearly.

Regardless of how you accomplish this task, do it. Talk it out or write it out. Don't keep your feelings and thoughts in your head to grown and get out of control. You need an outlet for these thoughts and feelings whether it's been 10 minutes or 10 years since you experienced your loss.

It's a step in healing, don't underestimate or overlook it.
Stay Connected.
Have you lost a loved one recently to death? Do you have a person, persons, or group to “talk it out” with? Do you find it helps in your healing? Do you have any suggestions to offer someone else who may be experiencing the same thing?

XOXO

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Grieving Losses: One of my Favorite New Books on grieving - Growing through Grief, by Bill Flatt, Ed. D.

12/13/2019

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Over the last few months I have participated in group made up of around twenty-five people who are experiencing grief over the loss of a loved one. Some have lost loved ones recently, other longer. The group has been following and using the book by Bill Flatt, Ed. D. titled "Growing through Grief". This is one of the best, if not the best, books on grief that I have read yet.

The group met under the name of "A Time to Mourn" and was led by a minister. It has been and continues to be one of the best learning experiences I have had in the area of grieving. I hope this review helps you and if you want to get a copy of the "big" little book "Growing through Grief", I will put a link in this article where you can purchase it.

Flatt speaks from experience, from the loss of his mother and others, as well as study. He highlights the stages of grief and the importance of each stage. He notes that we may pass through a stage on to the next one or the next few, only to find ourselves back at that same stage later. In other words, we flow in and out of each stage, sometimes many times, before we can permanently move on.

While Flatt doesn't dismiss the stages of grief that were first brought to light in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' book on Death and Dying, published in 1969, Flatt does group them differently. He believes they are not linear, but rather circular.

As I stated above, we circle back and revisit stages often more than once before really moving on.

Flatt's stages of grief are more groups of stages - Stages of Grief, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

In his book, he groups them into 3 parts that are related to each other instead of each stage individually.

Flatt pushes the point that talking it out is probably the most important thing we can do to help ourselves heal. The problem comes when we decide who we will talk it out with.

Sometimes, the ones closest to us, are not the right ones. Sometimes, people don't want to hear what you have to say for various reasons of their own. Sometimes, the right person or persons to talk it out with are not whom we think they are. There is not a one size fits all in this area.

For example, a friend may need a therapist, another may need a minister, another may need a brother or sister, you may need a friend.

Everyone's needs are different, but one thing is constant, almost everyone can benefit from talking it out with someone; however, there are always exceptions to everything.

There are a few who can heal better within themselves by themselves. They may call on God to listen or another religious entity they believe in, or they may call on no one.

Why would someone not want to be the one you talk it out with? Why don't your children, sister, brother, friend, or other person you are close to want to talk about your loss? Your grief? There are many, many reasons for this.

Often, but not always, it is because of two reasons (but there are numerous others) - (1) by talking about it with you, they are reminded of a loss of their own, or of their own mortality. They don't want to be reminded of a loss and they certainly don't want to be reminded they, too, will one day pass from this earth; (2) They don't know what to say, they think they have to say something profound, or they feel like they need to fix you and they don't know how.

Don't be hurt if someone is not available for your to talk it out with. Keep searching for the "right" person, you will find them.

Don't rule out anyone, it might be someone you wouldn't normally think of. Don't shut any doors, if someone is willing to talk or to listen to you, let them. Don't question why.

Sometimes, you may not think you need to talk it out with anyone, you may think you can go it alone. Some people can, as I mentioned earlier, but most people can't. This is a stage of grieving you must deal with.

Don't let the following keep you from opening up and talking to someone:

- I may lose control if I start talking out loud about this.

- What will this person think of me?

- They are not interested in my pain, I can't put this on them.

- (If you are a man) I am supposed to be able to handle this, I am a man.

- I can't be weak, I must be strong and bear this on my own.

- This is my cross to bear, no one needs to be bothered with it.

As you travel through Flatt's book, you will read about grief in 3 parts. The stages are grouped together like this:

- Stages of Grief Part 1: Shock, Lamentation, Withdrawal.

- Stages of Grief Part 2: Frustration, Panic, Depression.

- Stages of Grief Part 3: Detachment, Adaptation, Reinvestment, Growth.

This is such a wonderful book and I recommend it to anyone who is grieving a death. In the following weeks, I will be getting into some of the better parts of this book and will post a blog on it.

I do recommend getting your own copy to read, re-read, refer back to, and keep for the future. It is full of helpful insights and information.

You can purchase this "big" little book here:

www.amazon.com/dp/0892253053/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_T1Q7DbF1EH06Q

From Amazon it comes in Kindle format for $6.99 and in a paper version from $4.99 (used) to $6.99 (new).

https://www.ebay.com/itm/381464314641

From eBay it comes in paperback only for $12.66 (new).

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/growing-through-grief-bill-flatt/1001661983

From Barnes and Noble it comes in paperback new and used from $1.99 to $6.99.

Hope this helps, stay tuned for future blogs on this important topic. Let me know if you have a specific topic and I will try to cover that in the future.

XOXO

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Grieving Losses: December is a wonderful month - for most people - but not for all.

12/6/2019

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(NOTE: I have added a new "category" to my blog!)

“Grief, no matter how you try to cater to its wail,
has a way of fading away.”
V.C. Andrews, Flowers in the Attic

If you ask a child what Christmas means to them, you will most likely get a response like "Santa!" or "I want to go see Christmas lights, please?" Children see the good things in everything. As children grow older, they change and by the time they are our age, a lot has changed.

As we get older, for many over 50s, Christmas takes on a whole new meaning. It stops being about the Santa, lights, gifts, and parties and becomes what it was meant to be. It slowly transitions from the material to the spiritual and mental. The time we have left on this precious earth begins to become more about spiritual things, family and friends, and reflection.

“To ease a grieving heart is the world's greatest pleasure, more so, when the heart is yours.”
Radhika Mundra
Indian Author and Blogger

For some, Christmas becomes a stressful holiday. The holiday season can become a time of increased sadness and a feeling of loneliness. The causes for this stress are numerous, recent divorces, the death of a spouse or child, the loss of friends through illness and death, physical distance from family members, family squabbles (which can occur at any age), a personal illness, and many other reasons.

After the age of 50, we have most likely lost a friend or two or family members through to illness or death. It changes things in a big way. The whole left by the missing person stays with you throughout the whole season. Does this mean that your holiday is ruined or not enjoyable? No. It means it is only different.

This month I have added a new blog category "Grieving Losses". In this category, you will find blog articles that offer help, not only for surviving the holidays, but for other times of the year, as well.

I will also include some extras from time to time that will be not only helpful, but also interesting. I will be posting a new article in this category next week, but you can now easily find past articles just by clicking on the "Grieving Losses" in the "Category" area on the right side of the blog.

Grieving losses is more than just about the people we have lost, it is also the loss of our health, loss of mobility, loss of our youthful beauty (but gaining our "Golden" beauty, : ) ) or anything in our lives that changes in a negative way.

“Grieving is an expression of gratitude,
and that expression doesn't have to be rushed.”
Carolyn Wells, Start Again, Inspiration from the Sunny Side of Adversity

While there is a difference in grieving a death and grieving a life event, the emotion is the same only more intense and longer lasting with a death. The emotion is the same, but the intensity is different.

The grieving process is basically the same, except that with life events you are not grieving the loss of a relationship. The stages of grief can be similar, but you experience additional stages of loss with a death.
It is easier to put a recovery plan together with life events than with a death. Often a death will cause the griever to experience depression and not just sadness or disappointment.

“It's not that I want to forget
It's just that sometimes
It hurts to remember”
A.H. Lueders
Self-Published Author

Forgetting is hard if not impossible when it's a death, but life events they will pass.

We never forget our loved ones or their passing.

A life event will pass and we will forget most of the time.

Remember to check out my December blogs under “Grieving Losses” for help in getting through the holiday season. During this month of December, I will be posting a blog (maybe two) about grieving and surviving the holidays and how to dig ourselves out the depression hole.

Have you experienced a life event that felt like your world was coming to an end? What did you do to get past it? Have you experienced a death that left you feeling like your world did end? How were you able to survive? Did you do it alone or with help? Please comment on this important article. Help someone else.

XOXO

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Grieving Losses: Thoughts On Loss - On Death - On Living

Grieving Losses: 5 Reasons it is Important to Talk It Out when you are Grieving a Loss

Grieving Losses: One of my Favorite New Books on grieving - Growing through Grief, by Bill Flatt, Ed. D.

Grieving Losses: December is a wonderful month - for most people - but not for all.

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Grieving Losses: Thoughts On Loss - On Death - On Living

Grieving Losses: 5 Reasons it is Important to Talk It Out when you are Grieving a Loss

Grieving Losses: One of my Favorite New Books on grieving - Growing through Grief, by Bill Flatt, Ed. D.

Grieving Losses: December is a wonderful month - for most people - but not for all.

My mission​

Categories

Archives

About

Blog

Contact

My mission