Grieving Losses: Change Can be good - i hate change

Change can be good, but I hate change. Somewhere out there I am sure there is someone who hates change as much as I do, maybe more. I like structure, most of the time.

 However, there are times when I need a change, but not a permanent one. 

    For example, I love not having to put a lot of thought into when I should do everyday chores. I have a way to do things and I just do them. Like when to feed the dog, Sunday devoted to church services, Friday night fish dinner with friends, going to bed at a regular time and getting up at a regular time. There are so many little things that are no brainers. That’s structure.

    There are times when I need a vacation. Some place different to sleep, eat, and scenery. Sometimes, I need to just get in the car and take a drive, not really knowing where I am going. Just something to break up the regularity of my life. That’s change.

    After my husband passed, I needed structure more than ever, at least for the first few weeks. To keep things the way they were when he was still with me, was comforting.

    Then came the change. I found that if I changed the way I did things, the better I felt.  It was something new to think about.

Here are a few things I changed that made a big difference:

        -    I visited a different church where I still knew people and could draw         comfort for them, but a church where my husband didn’t lead prayers,                 make announcements, serve the communion, etc. Someplace where I                 could sit in a different seat and not feel like I was betraying him. I know                 that sounds strange, but these were strange times. Strange times call for                 strange changes. I gradually migrated back to my home church as I was                 able to emotionally.

        -    I bought one place setting of red dishes. He wasn’t big on colored                 plates, so I treated myself to brilliant red stoneware. Just one place                 setting, just for me.

        -    Little things, make a difference when you change them up, too. For         example, I changed the way we took the trash out. Yep, I changed the                 way I took the trash out. I made it easier for me. Instead of keeping the                 big trash container near the house and push the container out to the road the night before it’s picked up, I left it at the road and I took the trash in the trunk of my car when I left the house, stopped at the container and                 put it in then. Sounds like a “crazy” idea, but we live a ways off the road,                 so pulling a large full container all the way down the driveway to the road  is a chore.         

 While I hate change, I know I need it. Other changes are coming and the list above is by far not all the changes I have made so far. They are just examples of the variety of changes I have made.

    Some changes will help you create new memories. Until then all you will have are memories that most likely are centered around your loved one who has passed. Creating a new memory (or many new memories) helps you to build confidence in doing life solo, something new to “dwell” on (instead of the past), and will encourage you to do more things to build even more solo memories. In this way, change is good.

So, I have planned some more changes. Are you ready?  While I am not posting my blog every Friday now, I have not been sitting idle. I have been working on some new stuff, changes, good changes, I hope.

I can’t share them with you now, but it won’t be long if things keep looking up for me. So, hang in with me and see what is coming. I will post well before I actually put these changes in to practice so it doesn’t catch you off guard.
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    Hopefully, you will like what I am doing. Hopefully, it will encourage you. 

How do you feel about change? Do you love it? Do you hate it? Do you need it or do you need consistency?

XOXO​